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How to
Respect Your Foes, And Still Play with Your Food
If
you haven't guessed from the title, this is a guide for the
aliens, not the marines (but with the food in the army,
it could have been). This is going to be a completely honest
guide for how to respect the other guy, yet still taunt his
inferior species.
Step
1: Identify Your Foe - This seems pretty obvious, but
you must not only identify your prey's species, but their
class. This can be important, as it prevents you from jumping
on a helpless marine, only to find that it's really the corporate
AT officer, and has just finished spinning the minigun up.
Step
2: Decide How to Kill, Maim, And/Or Eat Them - This is
one of the most important steps, as you need to adapt to the
enemies fighting style, and decide if you want to eat them,
hit them and run before they turn, or just kill them and run.
For example, you don't run up to a heavy pred and start to
claw him. You pounce, jump over him, and tail strike him,
before headbiting your paralyzed foe. You might even want
to sneak up on a marine so you can paralyze him, making a
live headbite easier. Of course, if you don't need the energy,
you can just pounce on humans, or pounce on a pred before
running like a ninny.
Step 3: Taunting - In this part, you need to figure
out whether to remain silent after the strike, focusing on
your next attack, or start insulting, hissing, and/or pretending
to defile the corpse of your fallen foe. I find a nice hiss,
once in the vents, is an effective taunt, whereas jumping
up and down while typing 'WHO DA MAN!?!?!?11' is a nice way
to make the other guy mad, resulting in your imminent doom.
Step 4: Visual Guide for Tactics on Enemies...
The Classic
Predator
You
will need to use evasive attacks on this one, as it is a
powerful foe, although he does make a tasty treat.
Ivan,
Corporate Specialist
Well
armed, with a flamethrower, but if not holding that, he
can be and easy target, although you still must be careful
of proximity grenades. Tastes slightly funny, but still
a good meal.
Dunya,
Shipley's Dream Girl
Avoid
that rifle! Once she's fired, there is a slight pause as
the gun loads the next round, and strike then to kill her
with minimal risk. I've been told that when uncooked, but
sprinkled with a fine mist of acid, she can be a good health
boost.
Spam
Oh,
dear God, run! It's barely edible! Don't bite that! Oh,
dear God, the agony!
(If
you have any complaints about this article, Mechman encourages
you to eat more spam. If you have comments, or better yet
actual praise, Mechman was last seen fleeing for his
life from a giant Spam-demon.)
By Mechman
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