Alain
Position: Skin Reviewer
E-mail: alain@planetavp.com
Alain
clapped his hands together, dust pluming off of them. Looking
around, he nods in satisfaction with himself. Although the
area is dark, unable to see more than a few feet in front
of him, he knows his work is complete. A lead pipe rolls,
and bumps against his foot. Looking down, Alain bends down
to pick up, musing to himself. Picking it up, Alain looks
at it with a single eye brow raised as it slipped from his
grasp. He shook his hand in dismay; congealed blood specks
flying from it. "Bastard." Alain muttered. Wiping
his hand on his coat, Alain walked out of the room, into
the light, knowing that the world was safer... if only for
a little bit. A light flickers, lighting up the area that
he walked from, showing the scene. Lawn gnomes littered
the floor, and the wall. The ones on the wall were pinned
with sharpened lead pipes, some pipes with two to three
gnomes on it.
Turning around, Alain grinned at his work. "How I hate
those damned gnomes. Always sitting. Always watching. Never
blinking."
Alain, known exclusively to Planet AvP (known game wise
as 'dr0n3') has been a member of the forums for a little
more than a year. He spends his time playing games, munching
on food, and working out. He's also an active member of
TWL. He's a graphic designer, using nothing more than his
copy of Photoshop CS, and enjoys making banners, logos,
and other designs for websites/companies that ask for them.
Man-- writing in third person is a b-tch. So let's cut to the chase, yes? I'm amazing. The end. Should you need to contact me for any reason, feel free to e-mail me, send me a message over the forums, at get at me via xfire at dr0ne57.
Chris
Beaver
Position: Art Specialist
E-mail: chrisbeaver@planetavp.com
Chris
Beaver remains Planet AvP's designated pencil-monkey, though
(officially) in a smaller capacity, now that he's going
through his freshman year at the Savannah College of Art
& Design. Once in control of a mighty gaming rig, he's now
down to a laptop and a Mac lab he's not allowed to download
stuff in (and he hates most other aspects of the Macs, too).
He's probably lost and confused right now, but will eventually
be picked up to art this place. No worries.
Shoot
Me I'm Dumb
Position: Literature Specialist
E-mail: shootmeimdumb@planetavp.com
One
fine day, I was sitting in front of my computer, happily
typing another story about government corruption, aliens
and mysterious viruses. Suddenly, the monitor flashed black
and red and displayed a message from a mysterious character
- Shipley. It seems this shady fellow was having a little
trouble holding back an angry mob of literature readers...
and needed a little help.
I grabbed my keys and hopped into a World War II-era jeep.
I arrived on the scene to behold a mass of angry literature
fanatics trying to climb the fence of the Planet AvP building,
screaming something about Mechman and clubbing seals. I
leapt out of my jeep and hurried over to where Mr. Shipley
and a giant lobster were holding up a portion of the fence.
Shipley turned to me and said, "You've got to stop
these people - they'll ruin my new car!"
He pointed at a Geo Metro behind me; I noticed it was double-parked.
I reached down to the base of the fence and flipped the
breaker on a small box, which was appropriately named, "Deep
Fat Fry." Electricity instantly ripped through the
fence and crisped a good portion of the mob. That'll stop
'em!
They kept coming. Suddenly, gun shots were heard outside
the fence -- the masses had somehow gotten hold of an APC
full of weaponry. As rockets, shells, bullets, and grenades
began to hurtle over the fence into the building, the frightened
staff panicked.
Mustering up all my courage, I leapt in front of the fence
and yelled to the staff: "Get behind me!" The
staff, seeing an idiot to use as a bullet-shield, quickly
huddled together behind my body, just as the last of the
fence collapsed.
Angry literature readers poured into the compound, their
weapons aimed at me. Some yelled, "Shoot 'em!"
Soon, a few dozen of every type of bullet ever created flew
at me. Rockets impacted all over, sending hunks of concrete
flying; bullets tore into the sand beneath, kicking up a
fine dust which obscured all view of the compound.
When the dust and smoke finally settled... the Planet AvP
staff lay dead. Just a few feet in front of them, I lay
on my stomach, covering my head with my hands. I looked
around, stood up and brushed myself off. I looked back at
the staff. "Well, guess I forgot to yell 'duck'."
I shrugged, hopped in my jeep and drove off as the Planet AvP
building burst into flames behind me.
The moral of this story: don't ever hide behind an idiot
who says he can stop bullets with his body.
Now, on to important stuff. I live in the US, and I like
to write literature for AvP2. I like to play any and all
FPSs ever created. And I am a regular Forum
junkie.
Tyler
"3pidemiC" Grohoski
Position: Staff
Writer
E-mail:
tylergrohoski@planetavp.com
Tyler
"3pidemiC" Grohoski was born in the semi-large Midwestern
town of Livonia, Michigan. He weighed about...wait....
I am a lifelong fan of the Alien franchise and I am obsessed
with the second film in that series (as everyone should
know), Aliens. I am just about nineteen years of age and
I have a prestigious high school diploma under my belt which
some how qualifies me to write for this wonderful site.
I am currently studying Marketing and Advertising at a nameless
community college in my home state. I am a very big horror
movie fan and I have been collecting memorabilia from my
favorite films for quite some time now. I own a very valuable
and extensive collection of...well...junk (as some may call
it). I am also really into computers, gaming, and the gaming
modification scene. Erg, this is getting tedious...time
to simplify:
My girlfriend (of close to 5 years) is the love of my life. I rock out to Punk and Ska music. I eat food.
Oh, and I have a tattoo dedicated to Pvt. Hudson (Bill Paxton) on my shoulder.
Was that ok?
Do over?
Joseph
"SiL" Guilar
Position: Staff
Writer
E-mail:
silworld@planetavp.com
When Dave
hired SiL, he probably had no idea how experienced he was
at reviewing, uh, "skins".
Yes: "skins".
The reason for the inverted commas is that SiL lives on
the great Southeast coast of Queensland, Australia, called
the Gold Coast. There, he can review "skins" simply
by walking down the flippin' street.
Maybe that's why he has such a good taste in skins?
Anyway, SiL enjoys lazing about, drawing Aliens and writing
about Aliens. He aims to one day either: own the Alien Quadrilogy,
or make his own Alien fan-film -- which will never happen.
If all else fails, he wants to make animated cartoons and
become a director.
Well, there he goes now, happy as can be, ready to review
more beautiful skins.
So many beautiful skins...
Pseudo
Hero
Position: Staff
Writer
E-mail:
pseudohero@planetavp.com
The PAVP staff looked into the kitchen of Bob Labs. “Who is that guy?” A member of the staff asked another. “How is he doing that?” The staff member replied. They looked through the window at the guy with the full sized alien in his lap spoon feeding it cake, a tall guy with long black hair and a thick beard. How did he get in the building and why isn’t he dead yet? Was the collective ponderance of the group as they stared at the guy petting the black space monster his size. “Who’s my pretty buggy buggy?” He cooed to the alien as it made happy squeaking noises of the likes never heard by human ears before.
They walked to Shipley’s office and looked at the sticky note on the door. The door was locked so it was the only answer they has at the moment. It read, “The guy in the room is insane. Don’t ask me why I hired him, I just did. He didn’t ask me I asked him and now he’s staying in Bob Labs with Bob. Wasn’t my idea, I don’t ask, he doesn’t tell, I don’t get nightmares. People call him Pseudo Hero for some strange reason.”
Pseudo Hero writes the stuff versus stuff column, plays the AJL mod, and whatever else he gets asked to do.
Izzy
Position: Mod
Reviewer
E-mail:
izzy@planetavp.com
The story
of how Izzy came to be on Planet AvP is a wonderful story...okay
maybe not so wonderful, but it is a story. Izzy annoyed
the Staff with his Mailbag replies and wrote Literature
submissions just because he wanted to write stories. Izzy
worked his way up to asking for a Job, and much to his surprise
David Shipley said yes. Izzy was given the job as Map Reviewer,
and it was good. As time went on, Izzy reviewed maps every
week, showing the good people of the site what maps were
good, and what maps were so-so. He kept on writing his stories,
and life was good. Until Izzy's computer wouldn't let him
get Planet AvP mail anymore, it was horrible...with that
his computer wouldn't run AvP2! Izzy had to quit Planet
AvP because he couldn't do his job anymore. Now Izzy is
at college, with a new laptop that runs AvP2. It will also
let him check his mail! So Izzy wrote an E-mail to David
Shipley asking for a job back, but Map Reviewer was taken...so
they moved him to Mod Reviewer. And life was good. He still
writes, and is very active in the forums again, and of course...life
is good. So what does Izzy have to say for himself?
"Who wrote that profile? I mean it was trash...oh, wait...I
did...uh...little chocolate bunnies?"
Jay
Position: Staff
Writer
E-mail:
jay@planetavp.com
Jay hails
from Los Angeles, California and became an Alien fan at
the age of 9 -- when the movie was first released. However,
efforts by Jay to see the movie in theaters at that time
(then in Oklahoma where he lived) were daunted due to his
age... yet Jay was not deterred, and he eventually devised
a plan to buy the first ever release of Alien on "Magnetic
Video" VHS a couple of years later by mowing lawns and doing
odd jobs -- even though his family didn't even own a VCR
at the time! Yet, all was not lost, for down the street
from him was a neighbor who had a VHS VCR -- and Jay was
finally able to journey into the Alien's filmic world!
These days Jay has his own home theater setup... "guarded"
by an actual life-size Queen Alien (which was refurbished
by artists who've worked on the Alien movies' creature SFX),
along with a life-size Alien Warrior and life-size Alien
Eggs. He is an avid film aficionado, and is currently at
work on an independent feature film based upon a psychological
horror short film that he created (comeplayhideandseek.com).
Gareth
Von Kallenbach
Position: Movie
Specialist
E-mail:
gareth@planetavp.com
Gareth
is a syndicated film and game reviewer who writes for over
40 publications worldwide. He is the creator of www.sknr.net
and the International Association of Film Critics and has
his first book of reviews due in 2004. Gareth also speaks
at many conventions and aside from his film work; he has
been involved in the design, testing and marketing of several
computers games and continues to do so today.
James
LaFosse
Position: Art
Specialist
E-mail:
dark_nautilus@planetavp.com
James
sat alone in the grand expanses of the PlanetAvP corporate
offices, his inbox engorged with paperwork, leaving the
outbox completely emaciated.
His eyes turned outside, looking out into the streets, then
at the art sprawled across his desk. A mechanical pencil
lay in the embrace of his fingers, awaiting the moment it
would be drawn across the paper to produce an expression
of an emotion, a concept, or a image of his mind. At his
right rested a pile of papers, scripts for Bob and Progg.
Comedy and tragedy lay inscribed upon the white sheets.
With a pained sigh, he looked out once again at the world
oblivious to what lie in the basements, the great horrors
from space and scheming hunters. Avatars of despair and
power, all roaring and skittering in the great hive of the
office complex. At that moment James realized he was one
of the great Aliens in the hives, tunneling through offices
for the work of the hive, and the great Queen, David Shipley.
Beaver put down the paper and stared at James for a moment, raising a questioning eyebrow. "You realize you just called Shipley a Queen, right?"
James nodded his head and said, "Well, yes. I mean, all things considering, we are the-"
"No, no, no. Don't give me that 'It is symbolic imagery and a commentary on our current capitalistic culture' crap. You're going to send it anyways though, aren't you?" Beaver inquired, moving a strand of hair from his eyes.
"You think he'll notice?" James smiled. Beaver pondered about it for a moment, putting a thoughtful finger on his chin.
"Naw." He said, smiling as he handed it back. And with that, James sent it in and found himself in confinement for a week a few days later. And all were happy.
The
Oracle
Position: Literature
Specialist
E-mail:
theoracle@planetavp.com
Sunlight
streamed through the windows of David Shipley’s office
that Monday Morning. Dave paced the floor and then turned
toward Oracle, stabbing a finger in his direction.
“Colonel
Oracle, I’m only going to ask you this one more time.
Did you order the code red?”
Col.
Oracle squinted his eyes and locked them on Shipley.
“You
want answers?”
“I
think I’m entitled to them!”
“You
want answers!”
“I
want the truth!”
“You
can’t handle the truth!”
Then
Oracle continued angrily.
“Son,
we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have
to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You?
Lt. SMID? I have a greater responsibility than you could
possibly fathom. You weep for Board Guests, and you curse
the moderators. You have that luxury. You have the luxury
of not knowing what I know. That that board guest’s
death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence,
while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
You don't want the truth because deep down in places you
don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you
need me on that wall. We use words like honor…code…loyalty.
We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending
something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the
time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who
rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that
I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide
it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on
your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and
stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think
you are entitled to!”
Shipley
just stared, “Jesus, Oracle, this is just a job interview.
Oh and by the way the Code Red Mountain Dew you ordered
is here.”
“Ah,
why thank you.”
“And
what do you do exactly?”
“I
make funny literature stories that involve gratuitous movie
parodies. Sometimes when literary death and destruction
is not following in my wake, I help my brother SMID with
his own literature.”
“And
what else do you do?”
“You
know that movie with the alien in the jungle?”
“The
one where he kills people?”
“Yep.”
“Well
that’s what else I do, I have homicidal tendencies
and I kill people.”
“You’re
hired!” Exclaimed Shipley pointing his pen at me.
Then
I jumped over the desk and tackled him.
Redclaw
Position: Map
Reviewer
E-mail:
redclaw@planetavp.com
I am a 41 year old dude who lives outside of Washington DC with way to much time on my hands! I have pretty much been playing video games for the past 25 years. I know, I know...that makes me pathetic but what can you do? LOL.
I started playing AvP2 and mapping at the beginning of 2005.
It has been a total blast and I have made friends all over
the world. I recently started moding and skinning as well
and that has been a very interesting experience.
Outside of the online gaming world I play a lot of sports.
Growing up I used to compete in power lifting, fencing,
soccer, and American football. I have always been huge sci-fi
fan even from my earliest days.
It’s great to join the Planet AvP staff and be a part of this fun community of insane AvP2 gamers! While my diet might not be beer and fruit loops...that is not too far off...it is just straight alcohol and chocolate chip cookies for me!
Phil
"Windebieste" Wlodarczyk
Position: Map
Reviewer
E-mail:
windebieste@planetavp.com
The Windebieste
is a mostly placid, albeit mischievous creature. However,
don't let it's gentle nature deceive you; when riled up,
the Windebieste will defend itself. Its bite, much like
its literary and artistic abilities, can deliver a potent
narcotic which, when injected directly into the brain of
its victims, will cause them to experience the most wild
and vivid hallucinations. The sensation lasts only for a
few minutes, but the experience of having encountered the
Windebieste lives long in the memory of those who encounter
it.
Caution is advised in the handling of the Windebieste.
This particular specimen has a history of contributing over
15 years worth of unusual illustrations and written material
to various Australian science fiction fanzines. It would
appear that this specimen was roaming around online, happily,
until it took up a cosy residence lurking near the bottom
of the Planet AvP building.
Apart from Planet AvP, the Windebieste appears to have no
other online activities - but this condition may change
without notice.
The Windebieste thrives on a diet of beer and Froot Loops.
All in the same glass.
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