Cathan’s Seal to become new realm currency
Look for prices of various items to be measured in CSs instead of SOJs shortly. Due to the inability of the Stone of Jordan to maintain its value, Cathan’s Seal will be replacing it as the realm currency of choice, according to a member of the Diablo Economic Council. “I knew a change was necessary,” he said, “when I saw several pkers trying to get a noob’s body to pop by surrounding the area around it with SOJs. There are just too many of them out there to have any kind of value now. Cathan’s Seal, while not an ideal choice, will still be better than keeping the SOJ.” The council has yet to determine what kind of exchange rate you will get for your SOJs, but it doesn’t look as if it will be very favorable. Players are advised to start collecting CSs as soon as possible.
Shockwav23 is newest mod
Shockwav23 became the latest moderator at PlanetDiablo Forums last week, leaving
many members wondering how he became a moderator and why. The Inquirer has
recruited a panel of three experts to shed some light on how one becomes a
moderator. The identities of the experts are being protected because of the
sensitive nature of the information being revealed. I must warn you that what
you are about to read is graphic and not for the timid or easily frightened.
Send your children out of the room now, I beg of you! Now on to the interview.
Inquirer: “How exactly did Shockwav23 become a moderator?”
First expert: “Simple. They assimilated him. Right now I’d estimate that twenty percent of his body is now mechanical. And by the time his assimilation is complete, nearly half of him will be either machines or cybernetic implants.”
Second expert: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. What alley did they drag you out of? Now if you were to examine his neck, you would discover two tiny holes about an inch apart where blood was drained and a highly infectious agent was delivered into his system. And unfortunately there is no going back. He is cursed for all eternity to a life of preying on spammers. His need to close topics and ban members will become insatiable.”
Third expert: “Don’t be silly. It’s obvious that one night while he slept, they put a mod pod next to him from which the moderator Shockwav23 emerged, while the old Shockwav23 shriveled up and disintegrated. The only way anyone can ever be sure they won’t turn into a moderator is to never fall asleep.”
Inquirer: “Well we were hoping for a consensus but it looks as though we now have even more controversy and questions. We will continue to investigate until the truth is uncovered.”
Scipio23 now officially old
Scipio23 turned 30 today, thus becoming an AVIP (Ancient VIP). His age count is only surpassed in impressiveness by his post count. For the benefit of our younger readers, who may have trouble grasping the concept, thirty years of living is equivalent to having a computer that’s a whole year old, the average life span of 1.3 rappers, the rise and fall in popularity of forty boy bands, or the length of sixty J. Lo marriages. In fact if our society were based on the movie Logan’s Run, we’d be putting him down today. But because of his new status and longtime contribution to the Barbarian community, plans are underway to build a fourth statue on the Arreat Summit of him. So in an upcoming patch, players will now have to battle four Ancients, making the battle even more challenging. Congratulations Scipio!
Post counts to be reset
The PDF post count meter, which determines VIP status, will soon be reset and replaced with a new post quality meter, according to sources at PDF. “They plan to implement this right after the new patch comes out,” said one insider. “We felt that many of our VIPs are either taking their status for granted and not doing much at all, or are misusing it to the point of intimidating non-VIPs. The new post quality meter will address several issues the old counter ignored. Even though everyone will start from zero again, under the post quality meter, the most deserving members will regain VIP status rather quickly, while others may take a little longer, a lot longer, or never get there at all. They may even have a negative count.” After an extensive study, the Inquirer has figured out the algorithm of the post count meter. It adds or subtracts points based on certain items. For example:
For bothering to make a new post: +1
Post is longer than one sentence: +1
Post is longer than one paragraph: +3
Average number of syllables per word is 2 or more: +3
Number of misspelled words greater than 2: -1
Number of misspelled words greater than 5: -3
Number of misspelled words greater than number of words spelled correctly: -5
Post uses verbs: +5
Post is in ALL CAPS: -7
Number of actual words greater than number of symbols: +5
Post contains nothing but GG, pwns, teh, r0x0rs, 1337, and/or joo: -20
Poster is female: +5
Poster is member of admin or moderator group: +10
Poster is Xisor, Beaster, or Rune Forumwalker: -50
More modifiers may be added in the future. Keep reading the Inquirer for details.
Moderators to be kinder, gentler
The moderators at PlanetDiablo Forums have adopted a new policy to be more friendly and responsive to forum members. Instead of warning and banning them, members will now be cheerfully warned and banned. And when they close a topic, they will sing the new moderators’ theme song, which is:
Closing Time (The Moderators’ Theme Song)
Based on “Closing Time” by Semisonic
Closing time - Time for all you spammers to clear out and go away.
Closing time - I’ve read more than enough about what you wanted to say.
Closing time – You’re posting like some noob who’s had too much beer.
Closing time - You can go post elsewhere but you can’t post here.
Maybe I should ban you all right now.
Maybe I should ban you all right now.
Maybe I should ban you all right now.
Ban you now...
Closing time - Time to go to another board or maybe offline.
Closing time - Go chat or play the game but don’t waste all of my time.
So complain all you want, and bitch, moan or taunt.
It still won’t mean a thing.
Closing time – Think about the consequences another warning will bring.
Maybe I should ban you all right now.
Maybe I should ban you all right now.
Maybe I should ban you all right now.
Ban you now...
Closing time – Every new topic comes from some other topic’s end…
As to when this policy goes into effect remains unknown, but it will probably expire in a few days.
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