Akara, Kashya, involved in brawl

Things got ugly at the Rogue Camp yesterday, as a minor dispute between two residents suddenly turned into a slugfest.  Akara, the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye’s spiritual leader, and Kashya, Commander of the Rogues, were restrained after an unusually long fight.  Warriv, a merchant who frequently trades at the camp, witnessed the event.  “I’ve heard them bickering many times.  But I never imagined what it would turn into.” 

“Kashya was once again complaining that she never gets enough respect.  Akara normally tunes her out.  But this time she went ballistic.  She said, ‘That does it bitch!  I’m sick of your whining!’ And then she punched her in the mouth.  Kashya yelled, ‘The only reason they call you high priestess is because of what you smoke!’ Then she picked up Akara and threw her into her tent.  I thought it would have been over by now, but Akara got right up and started kicking Kashya repeatedly.  I never knew she was capable of moves like that.  ‘So you think you deserve respect,’ she said.  ‘The only thing you deserve is a kick in the ass!’  But Kashya quickly retaliated.  ‘Spiritual leader,’ she yelled as she put Akara in a headlock.  ‘More like leader in consumed spirits!’  Then Akara elbowed her in the stomach.  ‘At least my clothes don’t come off every time a new adventurer wanders into camp!’

“I ran over to Gheed’s and told him what was happening and that we had to do something about it.  He said, ‘Warriv, for once you’re absolutely right.’  Then he marched right over to where they were.  By this time they were rolling around on the ground.  He grabbed a nearby barrel of water and poured it on them and on the surrounding ground, creating a sizable mud puddle.  But they didn’t stop fighting.  They continued to punch and kick and scream, so much so that some nearby zombies stopped in the middle of eating a hero to come into the camp and watch.  Then Gheed turned to me and said, ‘Warriv, entertainment around here is a rare thing.  Cherish it when it comes to you.’  I stopped panicking after that.  I don’t know what’s gone on since the fight, because my caravan left promptly the next morning.  I don’t think I’ll ever know because something tells me never to bring up the subject around them again.”

“More cool things” in store for Diablo 2

According to Blizzard, more improvements are being added to Diablo 2.  The Inquirer had a brief chat session with a Blizzard employee recently, along with a few fans who bid the highest for admission.  Here is a transcript of the conversation.

[15:28] <BlizzardVIP>Hello folks.  I just wanted to let you all know we have some more cool things planned for Diablo II people.
[15:28] <DIABLO_FANATIC> WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
[15:28] <4th_Prime_Evil> Woot! Blizzard you rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[15:28] <Inquirer> Can you shed some light on what those things are?
[15:28] <BlizzardVIP > I can’t say at the moment.  
[15:29] <Inquirer> Well then can you give us a rough estimate when the changes are going to take place?
[15:29] <BlizzardVIP > I can’t say that either.   
[15:29] <Inquirer> Does this involve a new patch?
[15:29] <BlizzardVIP > Again I can’t comment on that.
[15:29] <Inquirer> Or is it just a ladder reset?
[15:29] <BlizzardVIP > I’m not allowed to tell you.
[15:29] <Inquirer> Are the most serious bugs going to be fixed in single player?
[15:29] <BlizzardVIP > I’ll have to get back to you on that.
[15:29] <Inquirer> Is there anything else you can tell us?
[15:30] <BlizzardVIP > Just that there are more cool things in store for Diablo II.
[15:30] <Dark_Lord667 > Whoohoo!  Blizzard is da bomb!!!!
[15:30] <4th_Prime_Evil> Shaddup ya noob!
[15:30] * 4th_Prime_Evil kicks Dark_Lord667 in the balls
[15:30] <DIABLO_FANATIC> YEEHAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[15:30] <BlizzardVIP > Well that’s all the time I have. Goodbye everyone.
[15:30] <Inquirer> Thank you for your time, Mr. Fraizer.
[15:30] <BlizzardVIP > I cannot confirm or deny that I’m GFraizer.
[15:30] <Inquirer> OK.
[15:30] * Dark_Lord667 kicks 4th_Prime_Evil in the balls

Diablo giving dark wanderers a bad name

Diablo’s journey through Sanctuary has resulted in terrible consequences for other dark wanderers, according to the Dark Wanderer’s Society.  A member of that society revealed that in areas where Diablo passed through, other dark wanderers have been harassed, arrested, beaten, and even killed.  Some have barely escaped with their lives. 

“The Lord of Terror travels through most of Sanctuary and no one does a damn thing about it,” he said.  “But now everywhere I go, people gather with torches and pitchforks.  I’m minding my own business, in fact, going out of my way to avoid others, when some lady starts screaming, ‘Diablo!  Diablo!’  I yell back, ‘Give it a rest, bitch!  Diablo’s long gone.  But when he came through here, I’ll bet you weren’t screaming and yelling!’  None of our members are out to spread hatred, terror, or destruction.  It’s in our bylaws that those things aren’t allowed.  But try getting service in the local pub.  All I get these days is ‘We don’t serve your kind.  Maybe Hell has a tavern where you can get a drink.’  All we want is to put on dark clothing and wander throughout the world.  But Diablo has ruined that.”

Runewords for the masses revealed

Frustrated that you can’t get the runes to make most of the new runewords activated in 1.10?  The Inquirer has the scoop on some new runewords that everyone can make.  But don’t expect them to be as powerful.

Here’s a runeword for all those complaining about not being able to make “Breath of the Dying.”

Most of you will never find a Tyreal’s Might, or even a Templar’s Might.  But everyone should be able to make this runeword. 

Can’t make the “Enigma” runeword?  You can make this one and still be the talk of the town.

Do you have annoying players that you’d like to get rid of?  Wear this helm and see how fast they exit the game.

And last but not least, well, actually it is least, for those who can’t afford “Beast”.  This runeword gives you the ability to transform into a fallen, where you temporarily gain the ability to yell “Rakanishu” by clicking the right mouse button.

PDF receives “Dear John” letter

The following letter was submitted by a long-time member who felt obligated to get this off his chest.  Since the Inquirer received a nice cash payment along with it, we will not be naming the dirty, rotten cheater.

Dear PlanetDiablo:

I am so overcome with guilt that I must admit to you that I have cheated on you with another forum.  Believe me, it’s not your fault.  I never meant for this to happen.  But I was innocently surfing the net when I came upon that link.  I honestly didn’t know where I was going.  If I had to do it all over again, I would never have clicked on it.  But I did and because of that, things were never the same.

The new forum was so beautiful and compelling.  But at first I was able to resist its allure.  I just lurked there briefly, and then left.  I not only closed my browser, but also shut down my computer for the rest of the day, leaving myself alone with my confusion.  I tried pretending that nothing had happened when I visited you the next day, but I didn’t even have the will to login, much less post.

Then I begin visiting the other place regularly.  Once a day for a few minutes turned into several times a day for hours at a time.  I’ll never forget the time I spent editing my profile and coming up with a new sig.  Of course I would never use the same sig that I used with you.  That just wouldn’t be right.  At first I only lurked there, struggling to find an excuse to hate this forum and go back to you.  Since I had not posted there, everything would be all right.  But then I read this intriguing topic, one thing lead to another and, well, I don’t need to go into any more detail.

The new forum makes me feel special.  There are so many more smilies and fonts I can put into my posts.  And I’m getting more replies.  I hadn’t realized how much I needed that positive feedback.  Even the error message I get trying to post is refreshingly different.  I guess I just got tired of that “We screwed up” screen or more often, the “Error 404: Page Not Found” screen.  I know you want to know how many posts I have there already but I don’t feel comfortable telling you.  And the private messages?  Well let’s just say they are wonderful.  Maybe if I had received a few more from you, things might have been different.  But I shouldn’t say that.

None of this will ever change the way I felt about you or the posts we shared.  We’ll always have 1.09.  But it’s time to move on.  I’ll try to visit you from time to time, maybe even post for old time’s sake.  But I’m not sure if my new forum will let me.  Goodbye.

Inquirer special feature: Top story in Leet Speak

The Inquirer recognizes that some of our readers have immersed themselves so much in Leet Speak, that they have difficulties reading regular English.  And that some have always had difficulty communicating in English.  So for the benefit of those readers, we present once again our top story in Leet Speak:

OMG!

|<45hy4 \/\/h1/\/3d 4/\/d 4|<4r4 s41d sh3 \/\/4s t3h su><0r. 
\/\/4rr1\/ 4/\/d Gh33d \/\/47ch3d t3h b1tch3s fu><0r th3/\/\s31\/3s uP. 
\/\/4rr1\/ \/\/4s t3h ph34r 4/\/d th0uGhT th4T |<45hy4 \/\/4s t3h p\/\/n3d.
Gh33d tH0uGht 1t r0><0rs, LOLOLOLOL!!!!

|<th><by3

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