Worldstone need not have been destroyed

After a thorough assessment of the Baal incident at the Worldstone Keep, an archangel committee has concluded that the Worldstone should not have been destroyed to counter Baal’s corruption of it.  In fact the problem was easily fixable.  An insider revealed to the Inquirer that the archangel Tyrael, who destroyed the Worldstone, overlooked a simple spell that could have solved the problem.

“A relatively new archangel named Hermione reminded Tyrael of a spell in chapter 1 of the Book of Spells called Corruptus Removiosa,” said the insider.  “After which Tyrael stood there for like seven minutes muttering incantations I don’t think anyone in the committee could even understand.  The only discernable word I could make out was ‘Oops.’  Then he locked himself in his inner sanctum for three days.”

However the Inquirer has learned from another source in Harrogath that the Worldstone can easily be rebuilt and that the plans for doing that are already underway.  “Not many know this,” said the Barbarian architect, “but the Worldstone was mostly made of fiberglass.  We can rebuild it, and even make a better one once the funding is secured.”  He went on to say that a benefit concert is being planned to raise money for this purpose by the United Singers’ Association (USA), a group of Barbarians led by Kid Barb.  A multi-class, all-star group performing at the concert includes Janet Jack-sin, Bearie Manilow, Pally Joel, MC Hammerdin, the Grateful Undead, the Rolling Bones, Boy Scourge, and Britney Spearzon if she isn’t getting married that weekend.  The group, calling themselves USA for Arreat, will be performing their new single over and over until everyone within shouting distance is thoroughly nauseated.  Everyone can start singing now:

We are the Worldstone. We are the players. We make a living out of killing undead, demons, and flayers. There’s a course we’re taking. But we don’t realize That Hell is going to do us in eventually.

Ladder season ends

The first ladder season on the realms has ended and anyone visiting the Arreat Summit can now view the top 10 cheaters with no life in each category.  With the second season underway, Blizzard officials are speculating on what new surprises they have in store for the third season.  A source close to Blizzard had this to say:

“They’re planning on making all existing set and unique items disappear to start the next ladder season.  That way they can reset the economy for them and everyone will have to start over finding them.  Rares and magic items will be more useful, at least in the beginning.  They’re also going to modify the drop rates of some of the items.  For example, Isenhart’s Case is going to become the rarest item in the game, just because they can.  Near the end of the meeting, someone asked about runewords and crafted items.  They were going to make them vanish too but they were talked them into a compromise.  Runeword and crafted items will stay, but all unused runes and jewels will go poof when the next ladder season starts.  They also planned on not giving any advance warning as to when the next ladder season starts just to shake things up.”

So enjoy your sets and uniques while you still have them, realm players.  And get those runewords made and socket your 40/15 jewels before they vanish because you never know when the next season is going to start.

Behind the scenes of Kill Baal: Vol. 2

The Inquirer is once again your source of exclusive information on the upcoming movie Kill Baal: Vol. 2, which is currently in production along with the first, third, fourth, and fifth movies of the series.  It is the story about an assassin attacked on her wedding day and left for dead by Baal and his minions.  Waking up from a coma years later, she vows revenge.  The second movie takes place in and around the desert city of Lut Gholein.  The role of the Assassin was taken away from Halle Berry and given back to Janet Jackson after Janet promised no more wardrobe malfunctions and the director saw a showing of Catwoman.  The Inquirer reveals more casting decisions and choice dialogue. 

Smoky the Werebear pulled from ad campaign

The star of the latest ad campaign by the Dark Wood Forest Service was fired today after details of his involvement in the latest of a series of scandals surfaced.  Ironically, Smoky the Werebear, who spoke the words, “Only you can prevent forest fires,” was dropped from the campaign after it became known that he was more than likely responsible for several fires in the area over the past year.  “It turned out that he’s got a bad case of fire claws,” said a spokesman for the forest service.  “He’s probably caused more fires than he’s prevented.  He also faces charges for mauling two assistants after learning he was let go.” 

“We were thinking about getting rid of him before when those photos of him showed up in the Playbear issue “The Bear Essentials,” where he bared all.  But we couldn’t bear to do it.  Before that he took six weeks medical leave after a falling log hit him in the groin.  I think it compromised his wife’s ability to bear children, but rumor has it that they were barely getting along as it was.  The boss could have fired him then but he didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news, especially when he lost his life savings in the last bear market.  He does plan to auction off the Ber rune he found for money.”

When asked about what Smoky would do now that he’s out of a job, our source replied that he’s planning to travel to the Harrogoth area to hibernate for a while.  Then he may eventually cross the Bering Strait to the faraway lands.  In the mean time, it looks as if he’ll have to just grin and bear it.

New entries added to Diablo dictionary

A new set of words and phrases will be added to the Diablo dictionary.  These terms, which have been coined over the years, have now become popular enough to add include the following:

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