Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Today we take a look at the fragtastic world of Dignitas with their epic Enemy Territory film, Dignitas.ET eXposed! Wolfenstein as seen through the eyes of passionate, competitive players out to...
Eggbert: Oh shut it already you soppy bleeding heart! We're not exactly talking about Mel Gibson in Braveheart here! You wouldn't know an epic Wolfenstein film if it bit you in your boney behind!
Sissy: I disagree. For example, I found the opening sequence to be very intuitive.
Eggbert: Too long. HATED IT!
Sissy: The player capture highlight windows were brilliant!
Eggbert: Egotistical and boisterous. Plus The Simpsons and South Park clips had no bearing.
Sissy: Graphics were good quality, the scenes were well blended and the film contained some great effects, such as panzer rockets, explosions and the loading error screen midway through.
Eggbert: I'll give you that one, but how about the music? HATED IT!
Sissy: Now you're just showing your age. I thought the music was fairly well suited to the action, not one of the better aspects of the video but it was okay. I have to admit I wasn't entirely fond of the game sounds heard over the music in various parts of the film. But overall, well done!
Eggbert: The credits were four minutes long and what did that gratuitous sex scene in the capture window have to do with anything?
Sissy: Gratuitous sex scene?! There was no sex in the film, just a few girls in tight sweaters. Personally I prefer a nice firm rack of bones, but you know humans... they like a fine set of ta-ta's here and there. All in all, I thought the movie was very well done, made me feel like I was right there on the battlefield with them. I could practically taste the gibs! One of the best Wolfenstein movies produced this year!
[Eggbert turns bright red and clutches his chest.]
Sissy: Today we are treated to a viewing of Bruder Talon & Bewohner's classic Return to Castle Wolfenstein tribute called RTCW4ever. From the moment the amazing opening sequence began, I knew this film was going to be a keeper!
Eggbert: I agree. I keep my old holey socks and torn underwear, so why not keep this too!
Sissy: Such a wet blanket. Even an old bag of bones such as yourself has to admit that RTCW4ever had what it takes to remain one of the Wolfenstein greats. The video had the perfect blend of action, quality graphics, well choreographed music, good editing and even a little humour tossed in for good measure!
Eggbert: Okay, whatever. Are we done here yet?
Sissy: No. Before we move on to the next film, I have to say that this film depicted RtCW at its finest. Bruder Talon & Bewohner's skills as directors shine in this video, I'd say they could very well be the next Steven Spielbergs!
Eggbert: More like Ron Howard. But not the cute Opie version of Ron Howard, and not even the less cute but still delightfully apple pie Richie Cunningham version of Ron Howard. Just the old, bald, stale Ron Howard.
Sissy: [Sighs] In Summary... RTCW4ever... LOVING IT!
Eggbert: HATING IT! Alright, it wasn't bad. Now pass the popcorn.
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