Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Last week we had the pleasure of reviewing some classic Wolfenstein films, and apparently this week is no different thanks to the release of the highly regarded knö or die! Rated a 9 on own-age.com and with tons of great comments on sweRTCW, it sounds like we've got ourselves a real keeper here.
Eggbert: Gotta love the classics. My underwear are a classic. Been wearing the same pair for months now and...
Sissy: *AHEM* Now here's a RtCW movie that brings a little something to the bunker for even the harshest of critics (*looks at Eggbert*). The varied sountrack was of particular interest, offering a lot of variation that should appeal to young and older viewers alike. Hmm, what's that smell? (*looks at Eggbert again*)
Eggbert: I had a big lunch. *BURP*
Sissy: *SIGH* The graphics in knö or die were quite adequate, although the fuzzy cam blur effect did irritate my eyes a bit.
Eggbert: Agreed. I wanted to eat that little peckerhead producer for messing with my peepers like that!
Sissy: Eggbert, you're going to ruin your diet if you keep eating the cast and crew of every second movie we review. Do you have any idea what these humans put in to their bodies? Blech. Now back to this fine video. What did you enjoy about it?
Eggbert: That little pink dancing guy in diapers. He reminded me of cotton candy. I'd like to eat him.
Sissy: You bring up a good point... On top of some great frags and uniquely highlighting individual players in interesting ways, the film did also include a fair amount of humour. From the pink dancing blob accompanied by that delightful music, to the spawn camping scene. I really enjoyed the different camera angles used to show the spawn airstrike footage. Overall, a great movie that belongs in the collection of all Wolfenstein video fans! Two boney hands up from this reviewer!
Eggbert: Yeah, not bad. Hey Sissy, pull my finger.
Sissy: Here's a movie that is a perfect example of how the musical score can make or break a film. mAx features an all Eminem remixed soundtrack. If you're a big fan of the rapper then chances are you will enjoy this movie, if you're not a fan of Eminem then this may not be the flick for you.
Eggbert: What kind of moron wouldn't like M&Ms? Esepcially the peanut kind. Melts in your mouth, not in your hands!
Sissy: Must you always think with your stomach? (*shakes head*) Not the candy coated chocolate, we're talking about Eminem the rap singer.
Eggbert: Well I'd rather have the candy, but I'm not opposed to eating the odd rapper.
Sissy: Later Eggbert, for now we have to talk about this movie.
Eggbert: For how much longer? I've got a hot (plate) date with a Paderborn Village barmaid.
Sissy: Okay, let's cut to the nitty gritty here. Graphics were average. If the producer of this film wants to make it in Wolfywood they'll be needing more smoke and mirrors. This movie lacked the dazzling special effects that you see in the video greats like rtcw4ever and knö or die. The frags on film were decent, but at the end of the day this one really came down to the music for me. I like some Eminem, but the remix soundtrack didn't tickle my funny bone. One boney hand up for this worthy Enemy Territory video attempt. I'll be watching for the sequel and hoping for a better sountrack next time around.
Eggbert: Needs more chocolate... and peanuts... and cheap gratuitous sex scenes. For the next one, hire Jenna Jameson. Or Paris Hilton. Or Bea Arthur. Or Paris Hilton WITH Bea Arthur. Now that's hot. Guaranteed success. Now who's for dinner?
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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