Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Normally we probably wouldn't review a movie trailer, since they are typically not a good indication of what the final video will be like.
Eggbert: Yeah, they put the best material in the trailer and then the rest of the movie is crap. Like with The Village and Van Helsing, to name a few of 2004's stinkers.
Sissy: Right. So why are we including a trailer this week? We're suckers for RtCW!
Eggbert: Speak for yourself, RtCW stinks like Heinrich's undead ass!
Sissy: Bah, you hate everything. How about you just sit quietly in the corner with that left over New Year's ham I saw you shoving in your pockets earlier.
Eggbert: Sounds good, pass the mustard!
Sissy: So like we were saying, it's not very fair to review a trailer, but with today's gigantic movie releases, here's a little something for all of you bandwidth impaired people. As far as trailers go, it's looking good!
Eggbert: I'd watch the final release. However, I think buddy needs to work on that text routine he's got going on. It made little sense to me. If he plans to include text in the final version of the video and wants to compete with the highly anticipated movies of 2005, like the next Harry Potter and Star Wars installments, then he'd better hire a writer!
Sissy: All things said and done, hams eaten and what not, I'm looking forward to the release of this movie. Nice trailer, well done!
Eggbert: It sucked like your mama!
Sissy: *sigh* Mother jokes are so twenty years ago.
Sissy: Ah yes, some sweet ET to bring us home this week!
Eggbert: Sweet, we get to go home now?
Sissy: No you moron, get your boney ass in gear and watch the movie so we have something to talk about here!
Eggbert: *grumble* Fine, but I know it's gonna suck.
Sissy: Actually, Massacred is the best ET movie I've seen this month.
Eggbert: How many did you watch? This one and the one made by one-eyed Eric?
Sissy: Just finish watching. Anyway, I really enjoyed the start of this movie. That fuzzy-cam action appeared to be emulating an old TV type of effect. Reminded me of my youth, I liked it!
Eggbert: They had TVs in your youth? Wow!
Sissy: *groan* The music may not have been for everyone, but I really enjoyed it, and I thought showing the track on screen was a nice touch. I also give kudos for the near seamless transition between songs. Far too many producers leave a big gap between songs while the action continues to run, I hate that.
Eggbert: Yeah, the music was okay. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Sissy: The video also included a frag counter, another extra touch that I always enjoy.
Eggbert: Haha! Are you serious? If you're going to boast a frag counter then at least include a few rampages in the video. I think the highest frag count was six, and that was just because the dude spawn camped with a Panzer!
Sissy: Not true, the frags in the flick were good. There were a few nice runs in there.
Eggbert: In ten minutes of footage I should hope that there'd be a few nice runs! But I watched that counter with anticipation and was disappointed. The movie on the whole didn't suck entirely though, so I'll toss it a bone or two.
Sissy: I think I prefer you when you're mowing down a ham in the corner.
Eggbert: I think I'd prefer you with a little cheese and mayo.
Sissy: All Eggbert jabs aside, good movie, quality graphics, great sountrack, nice effects, kudos!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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