Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: While looking for movies to feature this week I noticed that so many of them were absolutely MASSIVE, some even going over 500mb. So it took some serious searching, but we found a pair of videos that shouldn't break the bandwidth bank too badly. Up first is The Damage Factory, a rather classy movie that deserves to be in the spotlight this week.
Eggbert: What would you know about class? I've seen you eat with your toes.
Sissy: Hey! That's not true! Well, just the one time to see if I could do it. Anyway, Damage Factory was quite the action packed film, very fast paced, just the way I like my frags. I think Jennifer Garner would have been perfect for the starring role in this one.
Eggbert: She's got the moves that groove, but I'll pass. Ever since she started dating Ben Affleck I've lost a little respect for her. First he porks Jennifer Lopez, then Jennifer Garner, who's next on his "Jen List"? Jennifer Aniston?
Sissy: /rude! Moving right along... The effects in the movie were up to snuff and not too overused, they didn't saturate and cheapen the film, very nicely done.
Eggbert: Yup, effects were alright, but one gripe with this film has to be the music. Heavy Metal is so 80's, will people ever grow out of that trash?
Sissy: To each his own I suppose, and you have to admit that the Bee Gees probably wouldn't have worked so well in a film like this. However, I do agree, I'm not a fan of heavy metal either, so the movie lost a little boneage in that department.
Eggbert: Should we tell them about the trick ending?
Sissy: Duh, you already did. *sigh* Oh well, as bonehead just said, the movie does have a bit of a trick ending, so keep watching through the credits.
Eggbert: Trick endings always remind me of Shrek. I love that movie, mostly because Sissy cries every time things get mushy.
Sissy: Those weren't tears, I had something in my eye!
Eggbert: Yeah, your finger... wiping away the tears. Let's wrap this up, I think it's almost lunch time. Decent movie, didn't weigh a ton like most of the films released in the past couple of weeks. I'll toss it a bone and a half!
Sissy: Wow, that's very generous of you. You never rate anything higher than a hand up. I think I'll follow your lead though, 1.5 out of 2 boney hands up for me too!
Sissy: Our second movie today is a little different, and while we selected it for today's feature, I also think Diversion's fan base will be rather limited.
Eggbert: You can say that again. I mean, what was this guy thinking when he decided to mate Quake III Arena with Enemy Territory? HATED IT!
Sissy: Well that's the thing, I like Q3 and I thought the combination of the two was rather unique, certainly not something you see every day.
Eggbert: And I hope we don't see it again!
Sissy: Regardless of the fact that I liked the concept, I think the movie still fell short in a number of areas. For example, effects. They were few and far between outside of the odd slowmo bit. I also didn't like the music used.
Eggbert: Ditto for me.
Sissy: In addition to those flaws, I felt the Q3 portion of the video was a lot more exciting and action packed than the ET side of things. Which is why I believe many ET fans will consider this flick a flop. The bottom line is that if you enjoy Q3 (CPMA) then you might enjoy the movie, but if you're ET all the way then you'll probably want to give it a miss.
Eggbert: Can I give it more than two hands down?
Sissy: Uhm, not unless you have more than two hands.
Eggbert: Well I do have a few in the cupboard, I like to keep spares in case of emergency.
Sissy: *groan* Just stick to our standard rating scale please. I'll give it a half a boney up for the Q3 portion of the video.
Eggbert: 1.5 boners down from me, I'm not a fan of Q3 and I'm going to have to hold it against this guy. In fact, I might have to track him down and kick his ass.
Sissy: You're a little too feisty today, you need a time out! Until next time, when we come back with two new movies and hopefully a tranquilizer dart for bonehead, this is Sissy & Eggbert over and out!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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