Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back to another edition of Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies! This week we take a look at a movie of each Wolfenstein flavour, and up first is a splendid little RtCW romp on the battlefields called Vitamin P.
Eggbert: Hey, do you think the "P" stands for "Pizza"? I could get in on some of that action!
Sissy: Did you even bother to watch the movie? There was absolutely no pizza involved.
Eggbert: That's a shame. All movies should include pizza.
Sissy: While there wasn't any pizza, there certainly was lots of Panzerfaust, and if you're a Wolfenstein fan then you've love that explosive goodness known as the perfect Panzer kill! I'm happy to report that the panzer effects in this movie were plentiful, so if you love RtCW then this flick should be a welcome addition to your video library.
Eggbert: Not a bad movie, for one without pizza. I enjoyed the music. Hey Sissy, did you catch me doing the Tom Cruise Risky Business thing during the opening sequence? HA!
Sissy: Err, yes, sadly I did. I'll never see the world the same again. The music was quite fitting of the scene, I enjoyed it as well. Graphics were standard, and effects were there in force but not over-used. I would say if I had a single gripe from Vitamin P that it would be all the weapon load clicking going on. I don't need to hear that it's about to happen, just let 'er rip!
Eggbert: *RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*
Sissy: Not you moron. *sigh* Another high point for Vitamin P was the intro and the closing credits. Very nice work by Bewohner on those. Using the character models to entertain us while the text rolled was a great added touch, and something I haven't see in other Wolf movies that I can recall.
Eggbert: Not bad. I suppose I can recommend it. For a fee.
Sissy: Overall, Vitamin P isn't too weighty in the download department, the graphics are good, the music was good, intro and credits were a treat, and the panzer action was highly entertaining! Two boney hands up from this reviewer!
Eggbert: I'd give it two boney hands up but there was no pizza. So I'll toss it a bone and a half.
Sissy: Our second movie today is an Enemy Territory trailer. While we try not to bring too many trailers in to the mix, we also like to point people to the odd download that won't break the bandwidth bank. To be frank, there were better movies released this week, but they were also quite huge. Much like Eggbert.
Eggbert: Hey! I always look a bit bigger after lunch. Maybe if humans would cut down on their super-sized happy meals then I would be able to stay trim.
Sissy: Maybe if you limited your human intake you could stay trim. No one said you had to eat entire Boy Scout troops at each meal. Yeesh.
Eggbert: *burp*
Sissy: Okay, on with the movie. Viz Fragz... Not much of an intro on this one, but you have to take in to account that this is only the trailer, and apparently there are bigger and better things yet to come. Let's start with the music. It started off good, I was moving my groove thing for a while, then suddenly the music switched to an entirely different style. I wasn't really fond of that. The two songs used were drastically different. I think I prefer to be eased in to changes like that.
Eggbert: Yeah, what was up with that crappy weird German song? It kind of grows on you though the more you listen to it. Like fungus, but it still grows on you.
Sissy: The graphics weren't too shabby. Looks like the director tried to get some sort of letterbox effect happening, but it didn't work for me. Proper letterbox would have been a nice touch for this trailer though. The frags were what it was all about I suppose, and they were fairly engrossing. I enjoyed watching the overhead views of the little humans scattering around making messes of each other.
Eggbert: You'd enjoy watching a blank screen. I didn't like this one.
Sissy: Not even a little bit?
Eggbert: Well, I didn't hate it a lot, but I didn't like it a lot either. Hmm, do we have graphics made up for zero boney hands up or down?
Sissy: Come to think of it, no. I suppose you'll either have to go up or down. Overall, I would say that Viz Fragz was worth the price of admission. If you're an ET fan then scoop it up for the frags alone. Just don't expect huge effects from this low budget production. Perhaps the final movie will give us something more to squirm about. A final warning as well... this film contains a little foul language, so buyer beware!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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