Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Our first movie this week is one of those epic RtCW productions we're so fond of here at PW. Make room on your hard drive for Still Trying, a Return to Castle Wolfenstein video from Xter!
Eggbert: I wonder if the name of the movie implies that Xter is "still trying" to make a good movie, or that Boozze is "still trying" to learn how to play RtCW.
Sissy: Bah! I knew you couldn't go a few lines without being a jerk.
Eggbert: Mmmm, jerky. It's break time now, right?
Sissy: Uhm, no. Let's talk intro. Three words... FAB U LOUS! It all had a very professional feel to it, from the letterbox style to the epic battle atmosphere, with music that kind of had a creepy horror movie thing going on.
Eggbert: I downloaded a whore movie off the internet yesterday.
Sissy: *sigh* I said "HORROR" movie, not whore movie you knuckle head.
Eggbert: Oops. Did I say "whore movie"? I meant a quality Paris Hilton production!
Sissy: Can we get back to "Still Trying", please? While this movie is certainly a keeper, there were still a few minor sore points. Graphics were better in some places than others. I'd have to say the quality was just mediocre, and I wish they had of cleaned it up some by removing the game text. It was too blurry to read anyway. The effects however, were quite nice, they definitely enhanced the film rather than distract from the action. Music, I feel was hit and miss.
Eggbert: You know who I'd like to hit? That Katie Holmes for dating that wimp Tom Cruise when she could be with me.
Sissy: Again, that has absolutely nothing to do with this video! Come on Egg, what did you think of the film?
Eggbert: Err, I don't remember "thinking" being in my contract.
Sissy: I have to do everything around here. I'm surprised I don't have to help you put your pants on in the morning.
Eggbert: Pants? Uhm look under the desk.
Sissy: Ugh.
Eggbert: Hey, no one said anything about wearing pants!
Sissy: Moving along once again... Still Trying brings us a well balanced mix of blockbuster production and RtCW action. Two boners up!
Sissy: What best compliments a great RtCW film? A great Enemy Territory film of course! That's what we have here with siLc's Frag Flick. It's no epic production, and the action isn't exactly a Braveheart quality battle, but it's entertaining none the less.
Eggbert: Hehe remember that part in Braveheart where they show their butts?
Sissy: We're not reviewing Braveheart.
Eggbert: But they showed their butts!
Sissy: We're still not reviewing Braveheart!
Eggbert: FINE. You're a drag. Back to siLc, the guy who DIDN'T show us his butt. But whatever Sissy, you go ahead and review this movie instead. Just remember, butts sell.
Sissy: Go back to sleep. Like I said, this is no epic production but it still had quality written on it. The graphics were sharp and colourful, so siLc gets a boner up in that department. Normally I would say the effects were a bit thick, but in this case they actually appeared to be synchronized to the music, it was well coordinated and didn't seem over done.
Eggbert: I liked the music, if I had blood that song would have made it pump.
Sissy: Yup, the music, the action, the effects, they all came together nicely providing the viewer with five minutes of ET entertainment.
Eggbert: I'm glad it didn't go longer than five minutes, I had a Pop Tart in the toaster.
Sissy: You actually hit it, the movie was just the right length. Any longer and it probably would have started to blow some chunks. Overall, siLc Frag Movie is one of the best Enemy Territory films I've seen in the past couple of weeks. The frags weren't spectacular, but the quality was decent and it kept me in my seat.
Eggbert: Good thing for you it kept me in my seat too. I'm still not wearing any pants.
Sissy: Bleh. Until next week, happy viewing!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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