Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Ah yes, back to our roots today with some Return to Castle Wolfenstein and a movie that includes some unique treats for video fans!
Eggbert: What kind of treats? I'm in the mood for salty but I wouldn't turn down sweet either.
Sissy: Not those kind of treats, stop thinking with your gut for once. Zombies are supposed to skinny not big assed tubs like you.
Eggbert: Hmph. I'm insulted. Just for that this movie is getting the big thumbs down from me!
Sissy: I doubt it, this flick isn't too shabby, even a lazy old grouch like yourself couldn't poo-poo it completely.
Eggbert: Well stop picking on me and tell us about it then! Ha ha, you said poo.
Sissy: Okay then. Let's start with the intro. The intro was letterbox style and there was something about the graphics that reminded me of a cartoon. I rather enjoyed that, I felt like I was watching television for a while there.
Eggbert: Err, except for the crosshair. Most TV shows don't have one of those. :p I liked that real life video clip that was added in. Afterall, what's a RtCW video without some dude shooting us the finger?
Sissy: The graphics were decent, although you could see some quality loss whenever there was text on the screen. The effects were good, not abused, mostly limited to cut scenes. The music was metal. While we don't usually groove on those types of tunes, it seemed quite well suited to the movie.
Eggbert: Speaking of the tunes, what did you think about the last song, which was a rap by Matze? The next German Eminem?
Sissy: I thought it was a pretty unique added touch, really brought something special to the video. It was pretty good really, but the next Eminem? Uhm, I doubt it.
Eggbert: Overall?
Sissy: Overall I really enjoyed this video. It had some special added touches, it's not every day you hear someone rapping in their video. The quality was good. The frags were good, and the action was fast paced so it was never boring. Two big boners all the way up here!
Eggbert: I'm not quite as generous, but I did enjoy the film. One and a half bones.
Sissy: Our second movie today is Enemy Territory flavoured, and while I'd like to say we saved the best for last, this is not quite the case. Not to say that the movie sucked...
Eggbert: Right, leave that part to me. This movie SUCKED!
Sissy: Bah, no it didn't. It was quite good really. I'm sure ET fans will be all over it.
Eggbert: That's just because there were barely any movies released over the past two weeks.
Sissy: Cut it some slack here, let's get down to detail. First up, the graphics were quite nice. Very colourful, which is what I personally like to see in a video config. The intro was quite nice. Effects were minimal. The music was a bit all over the place. You know what I wish?
Eggbert: Please, tell us what you wish, Sissy. *rolls eyes*
Sissy: Paint It Black was featured during the end credits. I would have loved to see this movie shortened up a bit with Paint It Black as the only song featured. Bring a little Vietnam in to World War II, huh? Face it, when it came to music the Vietnam era owned all.
Eggbert: I actually agree with you. Paint It Black was the only decent song in the soundtrack anyway, he should have just built the film around it to give it a real classic war movie feel.
Sissy: Basically I would say that Revenge was a rather average film. It failed in some areas while excelling in others, kind of just putting it in the middle. I guess for me the movie really fell short in the action department. By the end I started getting bored, it just seemed rather slow moving.
Eggbert: Yup, yup, agreed.
Sissy: Overall, Revenge was a fairly average film, but still certainly worth a watch if it's Enemy Territory you crave! I'm going to give this one a single boner up.
Eggbert: Yup, pretty average. He should have gotten Katie Holmes to star in it. After her performance in the latest Batman movie, she'll never work in the industry again unless Tom Cruise buys her a role! A half a bone up. Hrm, a semi. Get it? HAHAHA!
Sissy: Err, yeah.
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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