Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Hello video fans! Have you Secured the Objective? This week's video review is big, big, big at over 400mb. Normally we go for the smaller downloads, but this time we decided to check out a larger video to see if we could keep Eggbert's attention on track for more than three minutes. A zombie with attention deficit disorder, who would have thunk it?
Eggbert: WHAT? I don't have a disorder, especially not one that was made up by people who can't control their brats! I just have... better things to do with my time. Hmph. Furthermore... what were we talking about again?
Sissy: Point made, back to this week's video!
Eggbert: No wait! I remember what I was going to say. Hmm, it's gone again. Back to this week's video!
Sissy: The intro was bland. Certainly didn't make me want to watch the rest of the movie, but I have a job to do here so I yawned a few times, scratched my ass and then pressed play again. Nothing special, no effects, no uber-quality footage, just some fragging with in-game sound. Fortunately that wasn't how the rest of the movie would play out. It didn't take long before the music kicked in and some minor effects began to play across the screen.
Eggbert: You almost sounded like you were writing in to Hustler magazine there for a minute. No need to get all weird on us, it's just a Wolfenstein video. Oh, by the way... ... ... nevermind.
Sissy: Lost your train of thought again huh? *roll* Anyway, it almost seemed as if the quality of the video improved as well. So a big thumbs down for the intro. The rest of the video spans a number of levels, the music didn't suck entirely, and it had some overhead shots which I always get a kick out of. Little soldiers getting blown to bits!
Eggbert: And you call ME sick!
Sissy: Hey, you just go back to picking at your toenails.
Eggbert: I think I need a pedicure.
Sissy: Bottom line: Objective Secured was "okay". I would say everything was relatively average. It's a decent frag flick, no need to let it pass you by unless you don't have the pipe for the 400+mb. If you're a big time videophile then you'll probably want to add this film to your library. One boner up from this chap!
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