Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Eggbert: Welcome to another edition of "When Zombies Attack"!
Sissy: Uhm, wrong show dumbass, this is our movie review stint, wake the hell up you zombie.
Eggbert: Whoa, time warp or something.
Sissy: This week we look at two new movies, well, one trailer and one massive flick-o-rama, both recommended in the Planet Wolfenstein Forum! We'll start with the trailer, since the full feature film is still in the process of downloading (400MB!).
Eggbert: So what's the dilly on this trailer then, Sir All-Knowing Sissy?
Sissy: u5.ET is a trailer for a full movie expected out some time in 2006. All frags were taken from official matches and practices at QuakeCon 2005. First I have to say it was a real bitch getting this movie to run. While the file includes codecs and a couple of media players, along with other bits 'n bobs, it took me a while to get things pumping. I had to install everything it came with in order to view the video, and even then there was some mild distortion.
Eggbert: BAH HUMBUG. I hate it when people make me go to extra work!
Sissy: What are you talking about? I set it all up for you you lazy pork rind eating good for nothing!
Eggbert: Hey, I'm good for something. Just ask the laydeeeeeeeees!
Sissy: *roll eyes* I guess you could kind of say this video clip is mostly intro, since it is afterall, just a trailer, but a very good one it must be said! If the trailer is any indication then we should be able to expect great graphics, fast-paced action combined with high energy music, superior frags and quality effects. I just hope they make it more viewer friendly. Regardless, well done! 1.5 boners up, I'd give it a 2 hander, but the problems in getting it to play sort of ticked me off.
Sissy: Here's a movie that got some rather interesting feedback, so I had to check it out for myself, even though we try to shy away from the huge downloads. Nothing against huge downloads...
Eggbert: I prefer huge hooters!
Sissy: Yes, we know... but we try to pick flicks that aren't too weighty for those on dialup. Anyhoo, Who Cares? Did we? Do you? Heck yeah I care, instant love for the intro! It's very upbeat and the graphics are top knotch! Push it real good! The music was great, really got the old toes tapping, and the action was all there too!
Eggbert: Did you just spring a woody?
Sissy: Hmm, I think I did. Hey what can I tell you, nice movie. Graphics, effects, music and action, it's all there. In addition, they've got some amusing clips happening towards the end, such as a flag free for all blood bath and other comical bone-headed moves.
Eggbert: Please, put a towel over that thing or something!
Sissy: Oh stop it, I don't have wood, I'm just naturally endowed. Okay gang, if you're looking for one Enemy Territory movie to download this week then my vote goes to "Who Cares".
Eggbert: Exactly, Who Cares? More boobies please.
Sissy: Best movie I've seen in a while, two boners way up! Happy holidays to all!
Eggbert: A double bone here as well, happy holiday, see you in the New Year, until then... remember, Santa sees you when you're sleeping, then he lets me know about it and I come through your chimney to feed upon your brain!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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