Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Eggbert: Oh my? Is that all you can think of to say? Some words that quickly came to my mind included "Kill", "Me", "Now".
Sissy: Really? You thought it was that bad, huh? It is the guy's first video, perhaps you could cut him a little slack.
Eggbert: I'd like to cut him alright. In to little pieces for a nice hearty human stew.
Sissy: Okay, lets get down to it. The Good: I liked the music. The suicide at the end was mildly amusing. The Bad: That whole console scene, what the hell was that about? The grainy graphics. The pointless jumping sequence.
Eggbert: Alright, enough. I can't go on. I need a sandwich to make things right in the world again. Better luck with your next movie dude.
Sissy: Damn, you really are harsh. But I suppose I could use a sandwich too. Good morning, good afternoon and good night! Watch at your own risk. At least the download is small.
Sissy: The first thing that stands out in this video is the music. I'd love to know what language it is. Outside of that... well let's see now... the director claims the video is a joke.
Eggbert: Either to cover up a crap video or a small penis. Perhaps both.
Sissy: Hey, be nice. How would you like it if someone attacked your penis?
Eggbert: Would it be a hot chick?
Sissy: No.
Eggbert: Fair enough then.
Sissy: Regardless of the strange music I'd have to say it is the highlight of this video. The graphics are quite nice. Effects were minimal. Gib factor was mediocre. Yawn factor was huge.
Eggbert: Huge is an understatement, I could sleep for a month straight after watching that!
Sissy: Yeah, he was clearly obsessed with that barn. Standing around it, having a smoke with the boys. Reminds me of that American show King of the Hill where they all stand around in the alley drinking beer. Not sure what this guy was up to, but there was definitely a lot more standing around than actual fragging.
Eggbert: I bet he's a keyboarder.
Sissy: Ha! I think you're right.
Eggbert: Okay let's blow this place, this week's movies sucked. HATED THEM!
Sissy: Suck is a little harsh, but they certainly weren't the finest we've seen. Let's get on with the boners and go get those sandwiches.
Eggbert: Tongue sandwiches. They're on me.
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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