Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: This week there were quite a few trailers released, so we're going to take a look at some of them. One of the video sneak peeks rather impressed me, and that was "Sunn The Trailer". You can tell that the director went the extra mile with this one, paying particular attention to graphics, text and special effects. Coming in at two minutes in length, I'd probably consider it quite a bit more than a trailer.
Eggbert: HATED IT!
Sissy: Did not.
Eggbert: DID TOO!
Sissy: Did not.
Eggbert: Alright, it was okay. You're right though, it was longer than your average trailer, so I would say that anyone looking to watch a low bandwidth frag flick should give it a view. Actually, I believe if they add more to it, the video will become bloated and possibly boring due to the added length.
Sissy: I'm not sure what's gotten in to you this morning, but you actually sound lucid and I do tend to agree with your assessment.
Eggbert: Of course you do. Don't let the hamhocks dripping from my chin fool you, I'm a smart guy!
Sissy: Uhhh yeah, of course you are. You make your first serious comment in months and start tooting your own horn. Please.
Eggbert: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah! I tooted my horn several times this morning!
Sissy: I'm going to pretend you're not talking about what I think you're talking about and get on with the video review here.
Eggbert: Yeah, you do that, I think my horn needs to be tooted again.
Sissy: *GROAN* Regardless of the fact that he's incredibly disgusting, I'm going to side with Eggbert today. Sunn The Trailer is a nice little frag flick, and I think it's perfect as it is. I really see no need for this to be considered a trailer, and in fact, if they come out with a 500MB full version I probably won't even download it. As they say... Less is more!
Eggbert: Yeah, you people with "less" tend to say that a lot. HAHA! *TOOT*
Sissy: We figured it would be a good idea to toss a full film in here amongst this week's barrage of trailers, so here you have it, Montage The Third Revolution. Alright, what do we have here then... the first thing that struck me was the over-use of slow motion. This movie is four minutes in length and it probably could have been done in one minute if the speed was normal. I know that action often looks better in slow-mo, but I think they went over the top in that department. Another beef was the ear assault, the heavy metal wasn't working for me at all.
Eggbert: No metal here either! Even though those tattoo freaks tend to get the chicks. Look at that Tommy Lee dude.
Sissy: Uhm, I think he's getting the chicks for entirely different reason (ie. the Pam and Tommy home sex video).
Eggbert: HAHA! I just made you admit to watching internet porn! Innocent Sissy watching porn. Shame, shame, double shame, now I know your girlfriend's name!
Sissy: Oh that was incredibly mature wasn't it? *SIGH* I did not watch that piece of filth, I just heard that Tommy Lee has a rather large doodad.
Eggbert: Doodad? HAHA, you can't even say it. I think humans prefer the term "tube steak".
Sissy: Whatever you say. Let's move on here. So the slow motion effect was a bit annoying at times, the music was horrible (but different strokes for different folks), the graphics were nice, the action lagged a bit, the insertion of game sound over music lost me (that's a bit of a pet peeve of mine, I think it sounds poor), and if there was an exit scene I didn't see it.
Eggbert: You sound rather displease of great Sissified one.
Sissy: I suppose I am a bit. I found this video to be rather disappointing, and in fact enjoyed all of this week's trailers quite a bit more. Perhaps people should stick to trailers, put all of their explosive material in one small package and save us the trouble of large downloads and boring scenes with not enough action.
Eggbert: Wow, you really woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Sissy: Well maybe if you'd stop hogging the blankets!
Eggbert: HEY NOW! WE DO NOT SLEEP TOGETHER! You said that on purpose to make me look like a poof! I'm a big, strong, brain eating zombie stud damnit!
Sissy: *SNICKER* Alright, so down to the rating here... I'm going to be generous and give this very average video one boner up.
Eggbert: Screw generous. A semi here, I'll toss 'em half a bone.
Sissy: Until next time!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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