Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: After much downloading yesterday, we were all hyped up to watch "Lagging_Revolution". Unfortunately it's a MP4 file, and no matter how many viewers and codecs we downloaded we still couldn't find anything that would play it. So, here we sit (in a bad mood) with a trailer. Let's hope that Confo Trailer picks up our spirits.
Eggbert: Screw spirits, let's hope it picks up breakfast!
Sissy: If it could do that then you'd be 10 times the size you are now.
Eggbert: Are you calling me fat again? Because I'm just big boned you know.
Sissy: Yeah, we know. *WINK* Let's get back to the movie. Alright, here's the deal. To me, a trailer is a small clip of a big bad assed film in the making. A small clip, in my opinion, would weigh no more than 20MB and run under a minute in length featuring some VERY snazzy special effects and hardcore action packed in to that ~1 minute. When a trailer is in the 100MB range and runs for over two minutes in length, I find it hard to classify it as a "trailer". So unless the Confo crew plan to bring us the most epic Enemy Territory video ever, then I think the trailer is fine as is.
Eggbert: Damn, you really are grouchy this morning, aren't you?
Sissy: YES! When I spend a half an hour searching for ways to play a particular movie I do get a little flustered.
Eggbert: You're not flustered, you're pissed! Your face is all red and you keep making that cracking sound with your knuckles. I'm sitting on the other side of the room!
Sissy: Good, you smell like pork rinds. As far as trailers go, I didn't really like this one. It's mostly regular gameplay with game text on the screen and crap music. The video quality wasn't bad and the effects were average. Nothing that would really make me want to see the full video. There was nothing really left to the imagination.
Eggbert: That's good because my imagination is already full with important things like large breasts... from KFC.
Sissy: I thought as much. It's just as well though since Confo Trailer was more like a movie than a trailer really. I hate to be too harsh, overall it wasn't a bad "movie" per se, it just wasn't a good trailer. Personally, I would have put in some music without lyrics, cut out most of the frags, introduced the lead players and just shown a few cut-scenes with some well blended effects.
Eggbert: Why don't you make a movie then?
Sissy: Why don't you shut your pie hole?
Eggbert: Mmm, pie.
Sissy: With that said, I'm going to give Confo Trailer 1/2 a boner up. Had they called it a movie I probably would have gone a little higher.
Eggbert: You're too generous, I feel limp after watching that. Mostly because the music sucked. 1/2 a boner down here. It's a shame that it doesn't pick up breakfast.
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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