Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Good morning and welcome to the latest edition of Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies! With the past week's Emmy Awards ceremony now over, maybe Eggbert can stop ogling chicks in tight dresses and get back to the business of Wolfenstein movies!
Eggbert: No chance bucko! I will not rest until I am the Gene Simmons of movie stars. He claims to have bedded 4,600 women in his time. I plan to top his record by 1!
Sissy: What are you at now?
Eggbert: That's not important. Everyone should have goals!
Sissy: What you're saying is that your count is zero.
Eggbert: That's not entirely true, I saw how Evangeline Lilly was looking at me on the red carpet. She wants a piece of this hot action!
Sissy: Uhm, okay then. We'll leave you to your little dream world while we move on to today's first movie... Decimated. This download is not for the faint of bandwidth, but if you've got the time and the pipes for it, then here's why you should give it a spin. Intro: Genius! Loved it. Graphics: Sharp and clean. Music: Not bad, fairly well suited to the movie. Effects: Nice work, balanced, not too flashy. Action: Good pace, good frags, a little shoutcasting inter-mingled.
Eggbert: Yeah.
Sissy: Eggbert, you're getting rib sauce on my keyboard,
Sissy: Hang on a second people, I think Eggbert is choking on a rib bone here.
Eggbert: *cough, 9... 1... *cough*
Sissy: 91? What's that?
Eggbert: *cough* 1!!! *cough* 911!!!
Sissy: Ah, right. While we wait for Eggbert's ambulance we'll just finish up here. Bottom line for Decimated... A bit long at over 22 minutes in length, but fairly gripping none the less. Definitely one the better movies that's crossed our casting couch over the past couple of months. They included some really great added touches, such as an actual storyline with voice actors! The added Machinima was GREAT, and I'd love to see more movies made entirely in the style of machinima, but kudos to UltraViolet for taking the first step!
Eggbert: He...lp...me...
Sissy: Calm down you big wimp, the paramedics are almost here. That'll teach you to eat breakfast over my keyboard! Now to the rest of you... go download Decimated! If you're a Wolfenstein video fan then you won't be disappointed. I'm willing to bet Eggbert's life on it. Decimated literally had something for everyone. Enjoy!
Sissy: While Eggbert has a few rib bones extracted from his throat, we'll move on to today's second film with the help of Egg's cousin, Inglebert! Welcome Inglebert.
Inglebert: Ahhh food, boobies, ahhh....
Sissy: Oh geez, nevermind, I'll go this one alone. After whipping out a 500MB flick, I thought it would be nice to do up a trailer for those that aren't in to the really big movie downloads. Our second video today is Follow the White Rabbit, a trailer by Thoro-Pictures.
Inglebert: Mmmm rabbits.
Sissy: Hush it. Your whole family is driving me nuts today! Trailer... not bad. Not great. Not bad. Colours were vibrant, except when they went black and white of course. There were plenty of gibs which I definitely like to see a lot of in a trailer! The effects were moderate in usage, quality and originality. The big question is, based on the trailer would people want to watch the full film? This reviewer says YES! I'd give it a go certainly.
Inglebert: Eggbert just called, he's better now and wants to know if you want him to pick up lunch on his way back to the studio.
Sissy: *SIGH* I'd better keep 911 on speed-dial. Tell him to take the rest of the day off. Perhaps you two could meet up somewhere for lunch. Far, far, far away from me.
Inglebert: Right boss! See you later. I think I'm supposed to give this movie a bone right?
Sissy: If you must.
Inglebert: Yay! One bone!!
Sissy: Done. Now haul ass out of here before I hurt someone. All in all, not a bad trailer, I've seen more professional ones before, but this one works for the size. One boner up here as well. This is Sissy, minus an Eggbert, signing out until next time!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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