Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Today we take a look at XyLoS The Movie, an Eva Production. 250MB and almost 11 Minutes worth of frag footage, flashy effects and plenty of gibs!
Eggbert: Why are we even doing this? We should be at the Toronto Film Festival having mad sex with hollywood tarts like Lindsay Lohan! That girl can't keep her underwear on lately! Grrr, instead you make me sit here and watch people getting blown up. Not that that's not a good thing... but NO UNDERWEAR!!!
Sissy: Whoa there, back tiger. Just because Lindsay Lohan has chosen to wander around flashing the general public lately, doesn't mean that she'd hop in bed with the first zombie she sees.
Eggbert: Of course not, but the first zombie named Eggbert she sees, HELL YEAH! You know I've got it going on!
Sissy: If by "got it going on" you mean pot-bellied porker, then yeah sure. You also smell distinctly of rotten cabbage today.
Eggbert: That was just from my mid-morning snack of human brain sauteed in wrong sauce (HA! Get it? Tommy Lee... Wrong Sauce...) and wrapped in cabbage. Nothing a little cologne can't take care of.
Sissy: We have more important things to discuss beyond your obsession with the non-underwear wearing Lindsay Lohan and your hygiene issues. Lets get back to XyLoS The Movie, and then MAYBE I'll let you roam the Toronto Film Festival.
Eggbert: OK mom, whatever you say. *SIGH*
Sissy: The intro for this film was quite nice, typical really, but the graphics were quality as were the effects and the soundtrack. However, once the actual movie began I was a little less impressed. The graphics quality seemed to degrade a fair bit in parts, but fortunately the frags and gibs were still plentiful and fairly entertaining to watch. The sountrack was acceptable and they kept up with the effects nicely.
Sissy: In fact, they used a few effects I hadn't seen before, so that was a nice treat. They mixed things up with a decent map selection. The biggest thing is that I didn't get bored, even though the movie was almost 11 minutes long. A couple of gripes... I think they could have tied the scenes together tighter, there was too much space between soundtracks. The second track was also over-rode by in-game sounds, not too keen on that.
Eggbert: LINDSAY LOHAN GOES COMMANDO!!
Sissy: Overall, if you're a fan of frag flicks, which you probably are if you're reading this... then I would say XyLoS is worth a download. In fact, it's probably worth it's weight in MBs just for the varied effects they use. I won't give too many spoilers here, but they do incorportate a bit of interesting out of game content.
Eggbert: No Lohan coochie though.
Sissy: *Sigh* This is a Wolfenstein video, not a Lindsay Lohan porno.
Eggbert: Well it SHOULD be a Lindsay Lohan porno, one bone up from me.
Sissy: 1.5 big, bad boners from me, have at it, I don't think you'll be disappointed.
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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