Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back to another edition of Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies!
Eggbert: Why is it always "Sissy & Eggbert"? Why not "Eggbert & Sissy"?!
Sissy: It should just be "Sissy", no one really cares that you're here.
Eggbert: Ah, good point. Carry on.
Sissy: Thank you. Since the last edition of the column the movie pickings have been a little slim. Today we take a look at a Return to Castle Wolfenstein movie called "Trench Trouble". It's a big one...
Eggbert: That's what she said!
Sissy: Weighing in at over 650MB...
Eggbert: That's what she said!
Sissy: Is it worth it?
Eggbert: Err, that's what she said?
Sissy: Let's take a look and find out! The movie starts off on familiar ground with a Beach Invasion, accompanied by the musical stylings of AC/DC. If you're an old school rocker then you'll probably enjoy the RtCW action set to a fast-paced rock classic.
Eggbert: Bang your head, heavy metal drives you mad!
Sissy: Graphics are decent, effects are minimal with lots of switching from first to third person. Music, as always is down to personal taste. The soundtrack is mostly rock with a little rap tossed in. I didn't know all of the songs, but they were all fairly fast and I thought the tunes suited the action well enough. The movie is 27 minutes long, half of it takes place on Beach before moving on to various other stock levels. The length of the movie is a little steep, but overall I would say it was fairly well done and Trench Trouble is a decent frag flick.
Eggbert: Everyone in to the pool!
Sissy: With that said, while Trench Trouble is a decent frag flick, many people will probably expect a little more "epic-like quality" from a film that is over 600MB and 27 minutes long. But, if you're a big fan of RtCW then you probably can't go wrong given the small number of movies made from the game these days.
Eggbert: I think I'm constipated.
Sissy: Now do you see why it's called "Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies" and not "Eggbert & Sissy"? You're useless!
Eggbert: That's not true, I make a mean macaroni and cheese casserole! Speaking of which, lunch is served!
Sissy: That's the only reason we keep you around.
Eggbert: Mmm, cheesey.
Sissy: I think I'll give Trench Trouble 1.5 boners up. Go grab yourself a taste of the beach, a classic Wolfenstein level that diehards can't get enough of... and that's good because you sure get plenty of it in Trench Trouble. Until next time, this is Sissy (and Eggbert sort of) saying see you at the movies!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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