Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Hello Wolfenstein videophiles, welcome to another edition of Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies, and playing on the big screen today is "Intelligent Life" by #stfu Productions!
Eggbert: Intelligent Life in the Wolfenstein community, isn't that an oxymoron or something?
Sissy: I think the only moron around here is you.
Eggbert: HEY! That was uncalled for. Just for that I'm going to say right off the bat that this movie SUCKS! Hated it!
Sissy: Liar, I saw you tapping your toes and pretending you were shooting at invisible enemies!
Eggbert: Uhm, shutup, go away!
Sissy: Right. So let's get down to the meat and potatoes here. First of all, Intelligent Life is a big download, so only those with a great love of movies and a phat pipe need apply. Graphics are crisp and clean, effects are minimal and the soundtrack is... unusual.
Eggbert: More unusual than a zombie reviewing videos?
Sissy: Perhaps not, but it's still not your typical video soundtrack. This is a movie that clearly focusses on the frags, and not the flashy effects and popular songs or headbanging metal that one might usually expect from a Wolfenstein video.
Eggbert: So you're saying the movie is boring?
Sissy: No. Well, maybe a little. I guess my only gripe here is that the length of the film seemed a little bit on the overkill side. I think the soundtrack may have been part of the problem for me. It wasn't until halfway through that they actually touched upon a tune I'd heard before. But it seemed out of place, they went from one extreme to the other with the soundtrack, so it wasn't very fluid.
Eggbert: I like fluids.
Sissy: Yes, we know.
Eggbert: Sticky fluids
Sissy: Yes, we know.
Eggbert: So long as that's settled.
Sissy: Indeed.
Eggbert: The ending was good though, I like Monty Python. It makes me want to eat the British.
Sissy: Yeah okay. So bottom line here... Intelligent Life was a nicely done film, top graphics, lots of frags and well balanced effects. On the other spectrum, the movie was a bit long for my taste, I started to get bored. The soundtrack was too flippy floppy. I'll give Intelligent Life one boner up.
Eggbert: Is that a full boner or a semi? Nevermind, I don't want to know. I guess I'll give it a bone up as well, but mostly because the British taste like kebabs.
Sissy: Our second featured film today is a trailer from Quaky called "Winghaven: Second Nature". While we won't be comparing this to the full featured film above and giving it a rating, we will give you a little taste of what you'll be getting for your 40MB download.
Eggbert: Mmm, a taste. A nibble. Finger food so to speak!
Sissy: Yes, thanks for that unsolicited analogy.
Eggbert: Man, you're grouchy today. You need to get laid. Or eat some brains or something.
Sissy: Winghaven: Second Nature is a sequel to Winghaven Out Of The Way, which took home a fairly nice 1.5 Bones up from both Eggbert and myself in a past review. So what's in store for us in the sequel? Not really sure, but I did enjoy the trailer. The graphics were clean and colourful, the slow motion action almost reminded me of machinima, and it left me wanting more. What else can you ask for in a trailer really? The whole point is to leave the audience wanting more, so I think Second Nature fulfilled its duty.
Eggbert: HA HA you said doodie.
Sissy: Uhm no, I said "duty".
Eggbert: I heard "doodie" and I stand by my convictions.
Sissy: You ought to be convicted, that is certain.
Eggbert: Ohhh, I could be someone's prison bitch! That would be fun.
Sissy: Yes, I figured you'd like that.
Eggbert: Imagine a prison full of zombies, out to eat the guard's brains? That would make a great premise for a hollywood film, starring me of course.
Sissy: Of course. But back to the trailer... If you're low on bandwidth then give Winghaven: Second Nature a download. The action is slow and the frags are minimal, but the trailer was nicely done and it may be enough to give you your video fix for the week. No ratings for this one, we'll wait for the full film.
Eggbert: Bye bye, and remember... brains are part of a balanced diet!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
None
Eggbert:
None
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