Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back to another exciting trip to the movies with your two favourite zombie reviews, moi and the Egghead over there!
Eggbert: Hey! My head is not shaped like an egg. But I could go for an egg sandwich right now. Nothing like a good sandwich to go with your porn!
Sissy: Porn?
Eggbert: Yeah. With a name like "Sexy Adventures" this movie has to be a porno, right?
Sissy: Hmm, well it does start off, appropriately enough, in a bedroom. How about we just watch the rest and see.
Eggbert: YOU BETCHA! I'm all about boobies and teabagging. There will be boobies and teabagging in this movie, right?
Sissy: I have no idea, let's just watch it and find out. Yeesh.
Eggbert: You got it, boss!
Sissy: You're a little too happy today.
Eggbert: I'm about to watch porn!
Sissy: Right. Let's get on with it then. Does Sexy Adventures live up to its name? Graphics are adequate. They have a few cute effects, namely the icons to represent the players in the game. Soundtrack was lacking, it didn't suit the action in my opinion. I had high hopes for Sexy Adventures, afterall, the movie began in the boudoir! At the end of the day though, Sexy Adventures offered nothing more than your standard 11 minute frag flick.
Eggbert: OMG! FALSE ADVERTISING! That was neither sexy nor an adventure. Who can I sue?!
Sissy: Alright, lets not give the wrong impression here. Sexy Adventures was not a HORRIBLE video. BUT with that said, when you give a film a name like that one might expect it to be a bit more on the spicy side. I'm not saying that it should have been an Enemy Territory porn flick...
Eggbert: I AM!! Porn, give me porn!
Sissy: But I guess the name just lead me to expect a little more. Overall, Sexy Adventures is an average video, with averge graphics, average soundtrack, average effects and average frags. There was really nothing "sexy" about it.
Eggbert: You can say that again.
Sissy: I'll give this movie one boner up.
Eggbert: Sorry, I'm not as kind and gentle as you. One semi here. See you all next time. Remember... porn is good.
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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