Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Good morning, good afternoon and good night Wolf movie fans! We missed our last edition of Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies because Eggbert ate some bad brain (I think it was French) and ended up on the toilet for a week.
Eggbert: LIES! I did eat some rotten brain, and I was on the toilet for a week, but that's not the reason we skipped out.
Sissy: Alright, true enough. We took the week off when sweRTCW.com went down without notice, but it looks like they'll be back eventually, bigger and badder than ever. In the meantime, we've found that Wolfenstein City has a decent selection of videos available, and in the new pile this week we've come across a flick by L1nuxero. The movie weighs in at around 250 pounds, and runs 10 minutes in length. "To The Edge" includes the following soundtrack:
01. Soil - Breaking me down
02. Static X - Control it
03. Dry Kill Logic - Paper tiger
04. 24 Soundtrack - Season Three Finale - Jack's Humanity
Never heard of any of those songs, so they probably all suck. But I watch the television show "24", so that may be enough to salvage an otherwise crappy soundtrack for us. Now lets get down with some movie watching!
Eggbert: Err, hang on, I have to hit the toilet.
Sissy: *Sigh* Fine, make it quick, I'll get started. The intro is pretty nice, although the spinning effect did make me a little big dizzy. The music was fitting and I love 3rd person overhead views of the action. Unfortunately after the intro they cut straight in to some sloppy carnage accompanied by a metal song. Did I mention I hate metal?
Eggbert: I'm back from the toilet. Yes, you mentioned you hate metal. You've also mentioned a zillion times that you hate when movie-makers leave the text on the screen.
Sissy: True. It looks messy and I think movies would look a lot less like spliced demos if they could remove the chatter from the screen. It must be hard to do? I assume it's hard to do since people rarely do it except for in the intros. "To The Edge" contains screen text in all of its messy glory. Now that we've gotten the bad stuff out of the way, lets move on to the good!
Eggbert: There's good?
Sissy: Well sure, there's good in everything if you look hard enough! But seriously, the action was fast-paced, that's a must unless you want to put your audience to sleep real quick. The frags were decent with a fair bit of chunks 'n gibs. Can't have a movie without chunks 'n gibs!
Eggbert: Mmm, chunks 'n gibs, I know what I'm having for lunch!
Sissy: Effects in the movie are good, they aren't over used and cut scenes are seemless. Unfortunately they did the old splice the sounds over the music trick in spots, which, much like text on the screen, is also a sloppy effect in my books. Maybe some of what I'm always asking for is a bit over the top though, so it may be unfair to penalize people for it. Having no experience in movie making, it's hard to tell if people can actually do better or if they are limited by software. Not every movie can be top notch machinima.
Eggbert: So you're cutting them a break? Wussy. Oops, back to the toilet.
Sissy: Yeah, you do that.
Eggbert: Back, false alarm.
Sissy: I think I'll do something a little differently this week. Lets do a little rating!
Sissy: Err okay. Overall, "To The Edge" was a decent movie, if you're a diehard flick lover then you'll want to add it to your collection. But I wasn't overly thrilled, personally. It was fast enough to keep me watching, but I wasn't toe tapping or dancing on the table tops.
Eggbert: Thank god you weren't dancing on the table tops!
Sissy: An average video becomes slightly above average because of the quality of the releases these days. It may sound harsh, but machinima has ruined me forever. The people who put that sort of work in to their videos have raised the bar and your every day frag flicks pale in comparison. Don't get me wrong though, "To The Edge" was good, it was just missing a bit of the "Edge". I think if the soundtrack had of been more appealing to me we'd be doing a totally different review today.
Eggbert: Yes, Sissy likes his sounds. Try a little Boy George if you want to really impress him.
Sissy: Until next time, this is Sissy & Eggbert saying... go to the movies! (And get rid of all that sloppy looking text on the screen!)
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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