Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back to the movies, with your hosts Sissy & Eggbert! This week the pickings were very slim, but we managed to snag Kaiz The Movie. Whether we lucked out or not is yet to be determined!
Eggbert: HATED IT!
Sissy: You haven't watched it yet.
Eggbert: Just practicing.
Sissy: Fair enough. So Kaiz The Movie came with a few little notes... apparently if we are looking for highly skilled frags then this is not the movie to watch. Kaiz says the reason he created this flick was to show off his rather "unique aim", and perhaps explain why lots of people think he is cheating.
Eggbert: Uhm, because he is.
Sissy: Yeah, probably. But he also wanted to learn how to do some video editing. The movie starts off on a weak note, with no real intro to speak of. Lots of cut-scenes and frags seemed rather par for the course.
Eggbert: Yeah, like how hard is it to kill someone called "MeanGirl"? I mean come on, it's a girl! Anyone could kill a girl! They suck. They should stick to baking and knitting and girl type activities!
Sissy: Oh boy, someone is trying to get us in trouble here I see.
Eggbert: Hey, I speak the truth. Hear that "MeanGirl"? Get your ass back in the kitchen!
Sissy: It was probably a guy anyway. We males sometimes like to get in touch with our feminine sides. We like to look pretty in pink!
Eggbert: Speak for yourself. When I want to get in touch with my feminine side I lay on the couch and eat chocolates while watching Oprah.
Sissy: Don't forget the high heels.
Eggbert: Just once! And you were supposed to be out shopping, not spying on me.
Sissy: Whatever. Back to the movie... I liked the soundtrack. It was the best one I've heard in a while. But that all comes down to personal taste. Halfway through the movie he switched over to a Wolfcam view, to apparently show us that he's a big phat cheater. *snicker*
Eggbert: HATED IT! Oh wait, I agree, I liked the soundtrack too.
Sissy: Just like the intro, no real ending to speak of. Just kind of trailed off in to no where land. Graphics weren't great either, I thought the config was far too dark for most scenes.
Eggbert: About sums it up. Anyway, you finish this crap off, I'm feeling a bit weak, I haven't eaten in an hour. Need to keep my glucose levels stable and all!
Sissy: Of course. So, if you're down with frag movies of the Enemy Territory variety, and hate to miss a single one, then the good news is that this flick is just over 100MB. Not bad compared to the nearly 500MB whopper we almost went with. The bad news is that the movie wasn't great. It also wasn't completely horrible, one boner up from me. In fairness to kaiz, he said he was learning. Learning what, we're not sure!
Eggbert: ZING! For a good time call kaiz, 1-800-CRA-PVID! HA!!
Sissy: You're evil when you're hungry. Actually you're just always evil. You go eat, we're out of here. Until next time this is Sissy & Eggbert saying... Go to the movies! But not alone. Because you'll look like a loser.
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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