Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Today we have the pleasure of taking a look at a new Return to Castle Wolfenstein movie from swedey.
Eggbert: This movie is a waste of time, don't bother watching it.
Sissy: What have I told you about watching a movie BEFORE passing judgement on it?
Eggbert: You told me to watch a movie before passing judgement on it.
Sissy: Alright, just so that we're clear. Would you like to try this again?
Eggbert: This movie SUCKS, go rent some pr0n instead.
Sissy: SIGH. Go watch the movie, don't come back until you have done so. The movie started off on a great note for me, I enjoyed the short intro and the voice over they used to set some added atmosphere. My only complaint there would be that I had to adjust my sound very high to hear it, then when the intro is over the music comes in blasting. It was a fairly unique intro though, so I'll be giving a few bonus points in that category.
Eggbert: Okay, I watched the movie now. Did you notice how much lead that dude pumps in to his victims? A bit of overkill maybe. Swedey, they are DEAD already, what a waste of ammo!
Sissy: Yes, I did notice that, but I still enjoyed the frags in the film. Nothing spectacular but he appears to be a decent player. Though, at the start of the video it says "Nurse since 2004" or something of that nature, however, I didn't see many revives. In fact, if he was playing a Medic I barely noticed, there was a lot more "spray and pray" than healing.
Eggbert: Sexual healing! Remember that song?
Sissy: Uhhh yes, but it has nothing to do with the movie, so shutup.
Eggbert: Very well. Ogre.
Sissy: Effects in the movie were minimal, mostly slow motion and fast forward. As for the soundtrack, the tunes weren't familiar to me. But they weren't repulsive either. However, the soundtrack switches badly at one point. Graphics were quite sharp. At 9:53 in length, I would say that the movie probably ran a little longer than it needed to. Overall though, I did enjoy the video, and would recommend it to RtCW fans.
Eggbert: I suppose. But I'd much rather give a scathing review in which I get to call people dillweeds a lot.
Sissy: Maybe next time. I think swedey did an okay job with this one.
Eggbert: Fine. But for the record I'm going to say that swedey wears women's underwear.
Sissy: You know what's slander, right? He could sue you.
Eggbert: He'd have to find me first, and in the time it took him to pick up the phone to call his lawyer, I'd have his brain eaten. Mmmm, brains.
Sissy: True point that. Alright lets end this farce of a review. All said and done I enjoyed the movie, felt it was worth watching. Intro was good, soundtrack, effects and ending a bit weak, but frags and graphics were decent.
Eggbert: Good idea, lets end this, I have places to go and zombies to see.
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