Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Today we take a look at the latest Return to Castle Wolfenstein video released called "Random Spam", a movie by Nizou. This is a long one coming in at over 16 minutes, so pop the corn and get a drink, you'll be here for a while!
Eggbert: I don't want to be here for a while, I'm NOT in a good mood today.
Sissy: Cat got your brain again?
Eggbert: No, not this time, but that stupid cat is going to get euthanized if it steals one more of my delicious brains.
Sissy: Wow, you must really be in a bad mood if you're thinking about putting Mister Bootsy down. I'd say tell us about it, but we don't care. Back to the movie.
Eggbert: That's right, go ahead and watch your stupid spam movie. Who cares if poor Eggbert is feeling down. Screw you and the Helga you rode in on!
Sissy: Ohhhhh, I'm telling her you said that! Alright, back to Random Spam (something Eggbert also happens to be very good at). Right from the start the movie begins to live up to its name with lots of random Panzerfaust spam. In fact, it may be a little too random. I'm three minutes in to the film and I'm not sure if I can take another thirteen minutes of the same scene.
Eggbert: So the movie sucks is what you're saying.
Sissy: No, I'm not saying that it sucks, but I do have a few issues with it. I don't think any general frag movie needs to run over 16 minutes in length. It can tend to get a bit boring after a while. Effects in this film are fairly minimal and I didn't find that the soundtrack meshes with the video very well. So there isn't a whole lot keeping me at the screen right now.
Eggbert: So you're saying that the movie sucked.
Sissy: If you just want to kick back and watch some RtCW action and you enjoy the soundtrack then you'll probably enjoy Random Spam. I just can't say that it was really my thing. If you're a panzerwhore then you'll probably enjoy it all the more.
Eggbert: Let's get down the nitty gritty here, I have a cat to kill. Just be honest for once. Admit it, you think it sucks. Why can't you ever say something sucks? Always have to be mister nice guy. I hate you!
Sissy: You're not going to kill the cat you mental case. I'm not saying this movie flat out sucks because I don't think it flat out sucks. So hold your pants on, shutup for a minute and let me finish things up here!
Eggbert: Okay but I still hate you.
Sissy: I think your blood sugar is low, you're always a bit crabby but this is over the top.
Eggbert: FINISH THE DAMN REVIEW ALREADY!
Sissy: FINE! Intro was a bit weak, pretty much non-existant actually. Graphics were fine. Soundtrack not to my taste (but that doesn't mean it won't be to the liking of others). Action was a bit too "random". Effects were lacking. Panzer kills are always a great addition to any film, and this movie featured some good ones. Let's look at some individual scoring.
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