Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Time for another edition of Sissy & Eggbert Go To The Movies! Of course, I use that term loosely since Egbbert is a bit of an ass and claims to be on strike this morning.
Eggbert: I am on strike. I haven't had a good brain to much on in weeks now. If you want to keep me working you'll need to do better in the supply and demand department!
Sissy: With all of the American politicians campaigning right now, there's no shortage of supply. Stop being lazy, get out there and do what zombies do! Yeesh. Go ahead with your idiotic strike, you never give much in the way of input anyway. Now shutup or put out, time to check out the latest Enemy Territory video.
Eggbert: /shutting up. Brains, need brains.
Sissy: The movie pickings have been a bit slim lately. I've only seen a couple out and they've been rather ginormous. But today we will take a look at the freshly served up "Draw The Line" a frag video from smashit.
Eggbert: Ha! "shit", get it? "sma-shit"? I wonder if that like a hint that we shouldn't even bother watching the movie because it will be shit?
Sissy: Or maybe it's "da shit", which could mean something entirely different.
Eggbert: Touche Sissy, touche.
Sissy: Starting off with the intro, I have to say it was nothing special in the graphics department, but the sound effects for it were quite nice. It lasted a little bit longer than was probably needed, but then they break right into the frag action. The video is fairly fast-paced, graphics are average at best and the music is not bad (smack my Eggbert up!).
Eggbert: Hey!
Sissy: Shutup, you're on strike.
Eggbert: Right then.
Sissy: No real effects to speak of. They use a few of the more commonly used FX, such as slow motion. But outside of that I really looked at this as more of a demo put to music than any sort of great video production.
Eggbert: The music is mesmorizing me, must eat brains.
Sissy: At over 400MB I would have hoped for something a little bit more flashy, but not everyone is out to make machinima masterpieces, unfortunately.
Eggbert: Mmm, machinima tastes almost as nice as brain.
Sissy: I really don't have a lot to say about this one. If you like watching frag flicks then go for it, but don't expect much more from this movie. I'm "drawing the line" so to speak, and saying that had the size not fooled me into thinking the production might be slightly more "epic", then I probably would have given it a miss.
Eggbert: Cool, no go get me some of those tasty politician brains you mentioned.
Sissy: Get 'em yourself turdball!
Eggbert: Fine. Jerk.
Sissy: To put this baby to rest, I'm going to have to say that this film is nothing more than average. If you're okay with average then go for it. Personally I like my effects and this movie offered me little in that department, and frankly, I'm a bit disappointed in all areas.
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