Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back videophiles! This week we return (after letting Helga have her way for a week!) with a new Enemy Territory video by sec called "Extreme Temperature". For the bandwidth impaired you should note that this video is just over 400MB, but there is also a streaming version available, which loaded pretty quickly for me.
Eggbert: Stupid Helga von Buttload. She stole our week last week!
Sissy: Actually we've been stealing her weeks every second week, and hush it with the name calling. She has spies everywhere.
Eggbert: Oh crap. I guess I better sleep with one eye open tonight.
Sissy: Yes, especially since right after we're done here I'm going straight to her room to tell her what you just called her!
Eggbert: Damn you. Jerk.
Sissy: Enough, time to get back to the movie. Right then. 400+MB and over 14 minutes in length, Extreme Temperature is a big boy indeed, but is the temperature extreme enough?
Eggbert: Yes, we like it hot. HA! I just realized this movie was made by someone who's name sounds like sex! Look at it all together... sec, sex, big boy, extreme temperature, hot. OMG IT'S A PORN!
Sissy: It's not a porn you dorkstick. Go back to your bag of pork rinds and shutup for a few minutes. Appropriately enough we'll start with the intro. Very well done, nice effects, quite professional looking. Big boners up. I've been quite disappointed lately with the lack of effects in the movies that have been released. But in this department at least, Extreme Temperature does not disappoint. I hate to ruin the good stuff, but the whole viewing of the game through the eyes of the soldiers (literally) was very impressive. Bravo!
Eggbert: WOOOOOO that was cool, trippy even. I was a bit disappointed when I found out it wasn't porn, but oddly enough I still have wood!
Sissy: Gross. So how does the rest of the movie stack up, one might wonder? Effects are top notch. Graphics are good. Soundtrack meh I can take it or leave it really. Some of the soundtrack was very nice, other parts I wasn't too keen on. As for the frags, they kept me watching. It was fast-paced and there was plenty of action, which is especially important in a movie of this length. The ending wasn't too shabby either. So is it worth its weight in megs? You bet! So far Extreme Temperature gets my vote for movie of the year. Of course we're only two months in to 2008 so all you would-be directors out there have plenty of time to beat it out.
Eggbert: HA! Beat it, beat it! More sexual inuendo!
Sissy: /Sigh. Overall, Extreme Temperature is a keeper and unless people really start cooking up the goods then we could see this one hitting the red carpet in any end of year award shows that might take place. Good job, kudos to sec for bringing us the best movie of 2008 so far!
Eggbert: Dicklaimer: That is just his opinion. I thought it sucked. Ha! Kidding. Pretty good stuff really. Since I'm feeling especially randy today I will give this one two boners way up!
Sissy: /Sigh. If you haven't already checked out Extreme Temperature then be sure to give it a watch. You probably won't be disappointed, we weren't. Two bones up! Until next time, this is Sissy and Eggbert saying go to the movies!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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