Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back videophiles! It's time for another issue of Sissy & Eggbert go to the movies!
Eggbert: Videophiles reminds me of X-Files, now THAT'S a movie I want to see. They are keeping it pretty hush, so it better be worth it!
Sissy: Yes, I'm looking forward to the new X-Files movie as well, but you better get out of that frame of mind since I somehow doubt that Include Movie will be up to the same quality!
Eggbert: You never know. It could hold some surprises. Like a naked Angelina Jolie!
Sissy: Doubtful. Besides, I would have thought you'd be more interested in seeing a naked Brad Pitt.
Eggbert: Hardy, har, har! Funny guy.
Sissy: So today we are checking out Include Movie by Kirark. Not sure when it was originally released, but the rush of flicks flying up on own-age.com continues, and I grabbed the most recently uploaded one. Kicking things off with a fairly classy intro gives me some hope. It's a frag highlight video, but there's nothing wrong with some snazzy effects here and there. They seem to enjoy employing the black and white effect, which is A-OK with me since black and white brings back memories of the old 'n days of television. Yes, we zombies live a long time, unless someone blows our head off!
Eggbert: Ouch, don't tell them our secret weakness!
Sissy: Dude, it's no secret. Anyone who has seen a zombie movie knows how where our hot spot is! Anyway, back to the film. Video quality is great, even the text on the screen is clear and sharp. Usually it's blurred. The director follows each player, letting us know who is behind the gun. As far as effects go, we've got some black and white bits, a little flashing here and there, some sort of bubble blur and cut-scenes. Nothing overwhelming or overpowering, but it still works for the movie.
Eggbert: I want the kind of effects where we get to see Angelina Jolie naked!
Sissy: Have some respect, the woman is pregnant!
Eggbert: Bah.
Sissy: The movie is quite short, which is probably a good thing because had it gone on too long I would have gotten bored for sure. Nice little ending, nothing spectacular, but nice none the less. The only really weak part of filming (in my opinion) was the soundtrack. I didn't like the song they used, and they also incorporated in-game bullet sounds which just made it sound sloppy. Overall though, a decent little ditty if you want to take a chance on a frag flick that weighs under 200MB and one that you don't have to spend a whole morning watching!
Eggbert: Thank god for small favours.
Sissy: Righto. So to sum things up... graphics = great, soundtrack = bad, frags = decent, effects = okay. A mediocre fim, but fast-paced and a reasonible size download. One boner up!
Eggbert: Bah, I hate copying you. Can I give it 3/4 of a boner?
Sissy: No.
Eggbert: Fine, one boner up.
Sissy: Until next time!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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