NewAge
[Download Here]

Sissy & Eggbert Review:

Sissy: Today we dive head first in to a massive film, weighing in at over 500MB, it's NewAge by bakoo. Fortunately they have a streaming mirror for those that just aren't in to downloading the biggies!

Eggbert: Download THIS!

Sissy: What? The half eaten pork chop stuck to your shirt?

Eggbert: No, it was supposed to be a willy joke.

Sissy: Well it didn't work out so well, now did it? Perhaps you should leave the jokes to the professionals, huh? Alright then, let's get down to it and check out New Age, see if it's worth its weight in bandwidth! Things start off pretty nice, slow motion intro with some decent musical accompaniment. Not your usual heavy metal crap, no in-game text on the screen (one of my pet peeves as you probably all know by now!)... until the action starts of course.

Eggbert: Oh look, it's starting now, pass the popcorn!

Sissy: Now that we've made it past the intro, it's time for a look at the meat and potatoes. Sadly, they decided to add in-game sounds over top of the music. That made it sound "sloppy", they should have stuck with their little drum solo thing they had going on. Getting away from that particular gripe, which I always seem to have, the graphics are quite nice. The action is fast-paced and they switch scenes a lot to avoid total boredom. As far as the soundtrack goes, I liked the intro but moving beyond that... not so in to it anymore. It's a little too weird for me, personally. Some of it reminded me of intermission at a drive-in theatre, you know the one where they weiner jumps into the bun.

Eggbert: HA! That's the best. They should have just shown us that video. But come on, give them some credit for the soundtrack, afterall they did include a small bit of the Hamster Dance!

Sissy: Yes, I figured that would amuse you. But it just didn't fit right, they were all over the place where music was concerned, bouncing from one genre to the next and it just didn't do it for me. When it comes to the soundtrack I'm sorry to say I'm going to have to give them a 3/10.

Eggbert: Oh look, I just saw an effect. The second one I reckon. Ah wait, a few more now.

Sissy: Yes, they did scrimp on the effects a bit. For such a large film I would have liked to have seen some fancier FX, and perhaps a few more than they used. As things stand this is really nothing more than a glorified set of demos. I would have to say that the movie's main redeeming quality is the graphics. So with that said, in the FX department I'm going to have to go with another fairly low score and give them a 4/10.

Eggbert: Damn, you're hard. Like The Rock or something.

Sissy: Even though the action managed to keep my attention, the movie is almost 10 minutes in length, so I just feel they needed a little extra push to make New Age a hit. The bottom line... if you enjoy Enemy Territory frag flicks then go ahead and grab a gander at the streaming video. It loaded up quickly and saved us from the lengthy download. But don't expect any movie of the year awards for this one. It's simply "just okay".

Eggbert: Mmm, thanks for letting me know about this half-eaten pork chop on my shirt. Ever notice that food is always better the next day?

Sissy: Right. So that's about it folks. At the end of the day the best I can do for New Age is give it one boner up.

Eggbert: I don't feel quite as kind as you today. A semi-boner up here.

Sissy: Until next time, this is Sissy and Eggbert saying... come on people, make us some better movies!

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