Features | Articles | Sissy and Eggbert Go To The Movies
Sissy
Award-winning Wolfenstein film columnist Sissy helped to shape Wolfenstein movie criticism as we know it. As co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Sissy and partner Eggbert have influenced and entertained millions of people with their opinions
and barbs on current Wolfenstein films, becoming part of the American entertainment culture and making their
trademark "two boney hands up/two boney hands down" a pop culture icon. A graduate of Wolfenstein University, Sissy received a bachelors
degree in Zombiology.
Eggbert
Co-host of "Sissy & Eggbert", Eggbert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning Wolfenstein film critic and has been working
for the Zombie Sun-Times since 1967. Eggbert is the author of 15 books, including "Great Wolfenstein Movies,"
"Eggbert's Wolfenstein Movie Yearbook," "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Wolfenstein Movie," the Norton anthology "Eggbert's Book of Wolfenstein Film," and the best-selling "Eggbert's Bigger Little Wolfenstein Movie Glossary".
Sissy: Welcome back videophiles, another edition of Sissy Goes To The Movies awaits you!
Eggbert: Wha...?!?!
Sissy: Well I asked you to do one simple task this week. Pick out of a movie to talk about. You failed to do it, therefore you are not invited to the movies today!
Eggbert: Oh come on, I was really busy last week!
Sissy: I'm sure your schedule was just so jam-packed that you couldn't even pop over to own-age.com?
Eggbert: In fact it was JAM packed. HAHAHAH, get it? Packed with lots of jam. Yes, it was.
Sissy: Today's movie is Exhaled Precision by Vorg, covering some highlights of his own frags.
Eggbert: Isn't that a bit self-horn tooting?
Sissy: Go back to your jam.
Eggbert: Kiss my boney rump.
Sissy: The movie is fairly weighty, but it's streaming so it's all good. It runs about 5 minutes in length. Have a watch!
Being a streamer, the video quality is a bit reduced. But let's talk about that music first!
Eggbert: You mean that scary noise that will haunt me in my sleep forever more?
Sissy: That's the stuff! I felt like I was an episode of Miami Vice, or at a really bad 80's rock concert. And the worst part is that the music just repeated itself over and over, so it was like an episode of Miami Vice or a really bad 80's rock concert that I couldn't ESCAPE from!
Eggbert: Wait, I got it! You know those old games for the SNES and Genesis, the racing games like skiing, skateboarding or cars... THAT'S the looping music!
Sissy: Hrm, you could very well be right. Don't let it go to your head though. Alright, enough about the music, which definitely did belong in a racing game, rather than in Wolfenstein... The intro made me a bit dizzy, it was all very twirly and swirly, swing your partner round 'n round!
Eggbert: The frags were okay but it just looked a compilation of pick-up games. Vorg gets in some good shots, but it could be against n00bs for all I know.
Sissy: The ending is nothing to write home about, just a few shout outs and then it cuts off. As mentioned previously, the graphics are okay for streaming video, but don't expect a nice, clear canvas! Personally I would rather have streaming and lose some of the graphics quality. I hate downloading the massive movies of today.
Eggbert: Yeah, back in your day a movie could be stored on a Commodore 64 floppy disc! And they were called intros.
Sissy: Ha, ha...
Eggbert: Okay, well, I'm done here. I have some jam to get in to. 1/2 a floppster up for me. I didn't really enjoy this movie much at all.
I guess that's one bone up from me, although it seems slightly generous. Oh well, until next time this is Sissy and Eggbert saying... hmm, I really have nothing left to say. How about "watch where you point that, you could poke out an eye with that thing!"? Sounds good. See you next time!
Final Rating:
Sissy:
Eggbert:
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